Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Great Ride, an Emotional Jumble and a Deer

A Great Ride
This morning started with my workout. Let's just say one does get a little bit tired of being the only one on time. I made it down to the bike shop - where we were to meet for our morning ride - at 6 am. The ride was to leave at 6:30, but I had a 20 minute "run" keeping my heart rate down under 135. Jose was supposed to meet me but he wasn't there, so at 6:08 I decided to start running the parking lot for my 20 minutes. He eventually arrived while I was running and trying to mentally coax my heart rate back under 135. It wasn't working so I slowed to a brisk walk for a bit and then decided to run with him a bit, but when the heart rate alarm went off telling me I was in the upper heart rate zone at 162, I resumed briskly walking. I have a feeling my highest HR is higher than the 185 allotted. I'm going to have to get someone who knows what they're doing (hint, hint Coach) to help me do that so we can make my settings more personal instead of the average person setting. Anyway.

Then I waited around for the rest of the cyclists and we left around 7 am. Turned out we had to stop by another business park and pick up a few other people for the ride... all of whom were very good cyclists and who left me in the dust.

But, I still had a good ride. I have decided that I am no one else in the race but me. It's just me and my goals, not me and other people. Once I get better at this gig, then I will think about actually trying to beat other people. I was thrilled with today's ride and am even more in love with my bike! The bike computer was switched over from the old bike so I could really see what I could do. I probably could have switched to harder gears while riding today but 1) my workout dictated an easy ride and 2) I am still getting used to the new bike. In a medium gear, I was able to have a cadence of anywhere from 85 to 100 with ease, and I pretty much averaged around 17 to 17.5 mph. It was awesome! There were times that I was riding at 18 mph going up hill. At one point I was going 18.3 mph uphill, and then went 22.3 mph downhill. And this was an easy ride! How fast can I go in a harder gear, I wonder? I resisted the temptation to find out today, only because I know I have a 7 mile run scheduled for tomorrow morning and because Coach was out there riding too. It's like getting caught misbehaving by your Mom so I didn't bother to try to go all out. I didn't quite get to the 25 miles scheduled, but figured the 24.7 miles was close enough since we got a later start. The best part? I did it in around 1 1/2 hours. Go me!

an Emotional Jumble
On the way home I started thinking about yesterday's post and my post from last Friday. I realized that they might look a little bi-polar because in one, I mention how over all I have a good life with not much to complain about and then yesterday I was, well, sort of complaining. The thing is, both are true. I don't know where I got this idea in my head that my life should be more than ordinary to be a truly successfully lived life, but I did and that sticks with me.

By most standards, I would say I have a happy life: a husband who loves me, two wonderful children, a good job, a nice house, decent health, some dear and wonderful friends (who I miss because the don't live near me), and a love for triathlons and training for triathlons. But then there is this other standard that I also apply to my life: I need to do more than just exist on the planet. There is this entire world of stuff that is here for us to explore. I subscribe to an opinion stolen from The Color Purple, God doesn't care for it when we walk by a purple flower and don't even notice it. Of course, I apply that notion to people as well as things. I also think we need to look out for one another and that we are put in each others lives at just the right moment for a reason. So, that is why feeling tethered to my house raises all these problems for my happiness. I don't feel like I'm doing all that I can do for others, and I certainly do not feel like I am out there enjoying life to the fullest like I should be. This is not to say that I do not savor the moments with my children and my husband because I do. They are roses that I stop to smell too. It's just sometimes you need to explore a different garden... and my hope is to share the experiences with them. It certainly is not nearly as fun to see it all alone.

Maybe how I'm thinking about all of this is best described in what I've taken from the movies that have been my favorites in life. First, "It's a Wonderful Life" - we're all interconnected and being good for and to one another is one of the most important things in life. Everything we do touches the lives of another. Next, "The Dead Poets Society." I believe there is a line in the movie that says something along the lines of "seize the days, boys. Make your lives extraordinary." I think that pretty much sums that one up. "The Pirates of the Carribean": the quest for love and freedom should never stop even if you have to go to the ends of the earth and back, and you might as well have fun while doing it. "Amelie": there is someone for everyone and doing good things for others warms the soul - both yours and theirs. And then there's the multitude of books I love, but basically I like the books that have someone wanting the best for their lives and finding it in extraordinary ways, whether that be in love or other aspects of their lives.

Perhaps I set the standard too high. Or perhaps my efforts in reaching it have, as of late, been too low. I am not certain which it may be, but I do know that I have been trying to be the best me I can be each and every day. Somewhere in focusing on doing that, I've realized that to be truly happy I need "more" in my life. Bill and I talked last night about putting together a list of things we'd like to do in the area and to start doing them on the weekends. I think it's a good idea but would rather fly by the seat of my pants in doing it. Unfortunately, with two almost 3 year olds, Half Iron Man training, and a husband who doesn't mind doing things but would be just as happy tooling around the house all day, flying by the seat of my pants probably isn't going to cut it. So we'll try the list. We also are going to try to have lunch once a week to get me out of the house. And we're going to try to start working on our house (painting projects, etc) to really make it ours... probably during the work week evenings after the munchkins are in bed. I'm also going to join a group here in town that is a women's networking group that does charitable works in the community. A good way to meet people and feel like I am helping others to appease my psyche.

So, as I said in my post last week: I have a good life and I'm blessed in many ways. But truth be told, I still want more and I plan to find it. Figuring it all out is part of my life.

and A Deer
Last night we were finishing up dinner when out from the preserve behind our house came a beautiful deer. She was amber colored and had such a peaceful gait. Our neighbor put up a fence recently and I think the deer had planned to cut through the yard but the fence was in the way. So she stood, thinking (it appeared). We showed the girls and all watched quietly from inside the house - keeping our girls (and ourselves) from running out onto the back porch to get a closer look. I swear that the deer was looking right at me the entire time. Such beauty and peace. Such a wonderful moment. Then she just walked back into the preserve the same way she walked out.

Then Ladybug asked, "is an elephant going to come out next?" "a horse?" "a cow?" "a monkey?" She too seems to be looking for more.

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