There is so much whirling around in my brain at the moment that I feel shocked that it's only Tuesday!
First, I have to say thank you to Big Daddy Diesel who had some very kind words to say about my blog. And an apology to him as well since I didn't get this blog entry done in time for today's morning cup of joe. I endeavor to do better tomorrow. : ) Also now I know where you new readers have come from - Big Daddy Diesel's blog! Welcome one and all. No pressure.
This must be my version of getting Blog of Note. But luckily, I'm a "talker" and I seem to always find something to write.
Last night was swim practice with TNT. I had fun because I was in a pool. That's right. 80 degree pool water that was only 4 feet deep and had only 3 lanes. Yup. They shut us out of the big pool because they wanted to cover it because of the rain. New Tri members are always fun at the 1st swim where it rains. Why complain? You're gonna get wet anyway, right? Turns out that our team consists of 2 types of swimmers - good and ummm... not so good. As in, some can barely swim 50 m without stopping. Did I mention we'll be swimming in the ocean? In about 12 weeks? So half of us tried to keep as busy as we could with 5 people in our lane while the Coaches helped those others. Now, I know that they'll be kicking booty in no time, but it was a little bit of a scary 1st practice.
We also got ourselves a cocky college kid. I'm trying to convince Coach to run him until he pukes, but she's not really buying it. Something about liability and all. (I told her that I'm a lawyer and that as long as he only pukes, it it'll be okay. Passes out, different story - but there's such a fine line.) My personal favorite was when he was telling us that this was nothing and that his Daddy was a swim coach for awhile, and then he was sucking for air after swimming backstroke for 200m. It's backstroke. It's not that hard and it was an easy 200 m after we swam some freestyle. I'm not typically a snarky sort, so that should tell you how full of himself this kid was. But it's a good cause so let's hope he raises his money.
Being in the pool again felt good. I was a little slower than the last time I was in the pool, but that was November so it's to be expected. I know. Bad triathlete.
This morning I was up at 4:24 am. Yup. I know the exact time. I had a horrible dream and then woke Mr. Darcy up and ended up talking the poor guy's ear off until 6:30 when he was going to be late for work if we didn't get up.
This self realization stuff is kind of emotional. I'm not a big crier. Never was. I mean sure I tear up when there are natural disasters on the news, they show those abused animal commercials, and something is overly sweet. I am a woman after all. But, not one of those weepy kinds. Remember my bike crash last year? I never cried except for when I thought I might not get to finish the race and that was only for about 1 minute while Mrs. Training Buddy told me I could do it and then I set off to do it. So to say that I'm dealing with things is to say I've been crying.
You see, there's something that happened about 6 years ago at my old law firm. Someone in a power position said something very terrible and very false about my abilities so that he could make himself seem even better and not admit that he was a loser. But, being raised to believe those in positions of authority, I believed what this mean person said. Later, I was told by other authority figures that the person was completely wrong and that what they said wasn't what the rest of everyone thought. But it's not until now after years of really great reviews and people telling me that I do a great job, and being a little overachiever, and somewhere this bit of self realization brought it all to the forefront on my mind again. And I realize that the person is terrible, that his values are base and only ruled by money, and that he was completely wrong. I'm pretty ticked off really that I let myself believe this idjit just because he was an "authority figure." To Hades with that and him!
It's a nice feeling to be rid of that crud. But it took a toll on me and now I'm unraveling it and seeing that I'm pretty super cool, if I do say so myself. I am smart, nice, compassionate, funny, fun to be around (while I'm not in the process of being a weepy self actualizationist), adventureous, loving, and I care about everyone. I go to the world with the attitude that we are all good and I accept everyone as they are... even if I don't always care for attitudes, etc. I just accept people and know that we all have something to share and offer in this world. There aren't a lot of people like me. And unfortunately when people like me meet mean people, we often get really hurt because we don't expect it (even if maybe we should). This sort of sounds like "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me..." Oh, yes, and I'm not afraid to laugh at myself. : )
Another brick on my road to where ever it is I'm going, laid and mortared. All before 7 am.
Then Ladybug was difficult to get up this morning. Screaming, hitting, kicking. (She did that. Not me.) It took Mr. Darcy threatening to spray her with the shower head to get her to go with me and get ready for daycare. Meanwhile Angelfish was running around like a happy sprite... of course, I had to make a game out of getting her out of her pajamas and into her clothes, but it happened. By 7:25 Mr. Darcy was out the door, and I was to the Y.
I think there's a conspiracy about me and my bike. Everytime I go to ride it in the past 2 months, it rains or is super cold. Today it was raining buckets when I woke up. Then it stopped and then by the time I got to the Y it started up again. So I rode the stationary bike because well, I hate the trainer. I have a feeling it's not set up right and I just need to get someone who is not judgmental to come to the house and fix it. No matter what I do, the trainer makes it seem like I am in the hardest gear and riding up hill. It's probably an easy fix, but goodness if I can figure it out. That will be a goal for the next rainy bike day.
But today, it was the Y. I jumped on the stationary bike and did 17 miles on level 8 of the random hill program (and stayed in level 8 the entire time - even on the big nasty hills) in 47 minutes. I would have gone for 20, but I was running a bit behind schedule. Ate some breakfast, talked to my friend Shopping Girl about one of my secret change issues. (Training Buddy commented on my blog via email that my #2 troubled him. I laughed out loud. THen he clarified he meant in reference to my blog not poopie, which I had realized but it gave me a good laugh.) Worked like the dickens, had some soup for lunch (and am ravenous today - must have been the swim and bike combo kind of back to back after a nap in between), and went back to it. Plus some sorority issues - all good, but a little bit of time consumed. Emails with some TNT members. Call with Coach. And now the blog.
Not really that super busy of a day, yet it seemed like time flew by today. Mr. Darcy is out at an Orlando Magic basketball game with a contractor, so I have the little ladies to myself.
Tomorrow night is a run workout and a shoe clinic with Team in Training. Coach promises 20 minutes of killer ab workout followed by a 1 mile timed run. (I hate timed runs. Why can't I just run for 6 miles at whatever pace I feel like? I know, I know. The idea is to get faster and we need a measure for the beginning of the season. Doesn't mean I have to like it.) Then the shoe clinic. I may get some new kicks since these are probably at the 350 mile point by now. We'll just have to see.
I wonder what else I'll have up my sleeve for this week? I know Mr. Darcy is hoping that it does not involve a 4:24 chat session...