Friday, January 8, 2010

A New Thought

Today was a stretching day, and I usually do yoga on those days but Mr. Darcy asked me to take the girls to daycare this morning, I'm supposed to be having lunch with a new friend this afternoon (my idea), I have a 4:30 call with a chapter (which is right when I get off work), and we overslept because neither of us turned the alarm clock on last night.  So, I stretch I did - for the 20 minutes it takes Mr. Darcy to shower, shave, dress, etc. Started with the calves, then hamstrings, quads, lower back and abs, arms and upper back and repeat.

While I was stretching, I thought about the comment made yesterday - saying no to myself versus saying no to others. I think I have a problem with both.  Part of the problem in saying no to myself is tied to the problem of saying no to others.  People ask me to do something, it's something that I'm flattered to be asked to do, and I don't want to disappoint the other person, so I say yes, and even will pursue it.  But then there are these other things I want to do and instead of thinking about making sure I have time for it all - because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and refuse to do anything 1/2 way - I add those to the mix.  Then something gets added that I'm not thrilled with but say I'll give it a try and I get to a point where things are all coming together and my mind wants to explode.  I get agitated easier, I'm tired a good bit.  It lessens up a little because something gives and I think it's not so bad, really.  And I avoid the point I need to realize I need to say no - not just to myself but to others for myself.

While stretching, it dawned on me that when we send our Christmas cards out we typically get responses like "where do you find the time for it all?" And one year, "when do you sleep?"  I've always laughed at these in the past, but now I'm realizing slowing things down is a better idea.  I tried to look at all that I'm doing from the eyes of someone who isn't the one doing them... and I'd probably be worried about me because I'm always going with full cylinders blasting because that's the only way to get it all done.  (Little Sister calling me out for emailing someone while talking to her because it's the only way I can get everything done that "needs" to get done, made me realize that I multitask almost all day long.) At some point, those cylinders are going to freeze up because of all the wear and tear and lack of oiling, aren't they.

I've committed to some things so I will see those through for the promises already made to a variety of sources, including myself, but I am going to have to pare things down after those things commitments are fulfilled.  Knowing me, there will be Pro and Con lists involved, some sleepless nights, possibly a few tears after the lack of sleep sets in, and then a decision will be made.  I will have to teach myself temperance with my time so my engine gets to rest, batteries recharge, so I can motor on with a smile on my face living in the moment instead of always (and I do mean always) thinking about what I have to get done next.  It will be hard to learn to say no to myself and to others....especially when it is something that is exciting, new and fun.  But I must persevere.   I have a feeling that my happiness and my athletic performance depend on it.

If I'm less tired from the craziness, I bet I'll have more energy that will be able to dedicate itself to training while I'm training. Of course, there's the worry that I'll get bored... but I'll keep enough to keep me occupied.  Training is a chunk of time in itself, and that I definitely won't be stopping.  It's the other things I have to weigh in my mind.

Tomorrow or Sunday is a 5-6 mile run.  I had hoped to do this outside because it is sheer boredom for me to do that on a treadmill, especially since I'm supposed to run it at 1-2 minutes slower than I want to run on race day.  (I really want to do 10 minute miles on race day.)  An hour on a treadmill sounds horrendous to me. BUT, it's supposed to be 29 and "rainy" on Saturday.  I think that's really snow since it's below freezing, or it's sleet.  Either of which doesn't exactly call to me, "Come run!"  (For goodness sakes - this is FLORIDA!)I'll get it done - it's just a matter of where.  As usual, I'll keep you posted.

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