Thank God that this morning was much more peaceful than yesterday! I didn't get to swim this morning, but I'm hopeful for a lunch time swim again today. If I did it yesterday, I should be able to get it done today. (Please Fate, turn your head from that little comment. )
Last night as I laid the girls down to bed, I asked them to make good choices for the morning. I asked them to choose to listen to their Mommy, to use the potty and get dressed nicely, and to wake up and choose to be happy. I told them that I would work on listening to what they said too and that I would work on being more patient. Yesterday afternoon was free of kicking and hitting, but I was short on patience and they were not listening overly well. We had a nice time watching "Word World" before bed though.
Then once they were in bed, I prayed. While I am not a big proselytizer, I need to share what happened next because it's as though God is talking to me. I asked for the strength to be more patient, to not be so quick to get frustrated, and to be shown the path to be a better parent. I was not feeling like the greatest Mom last night. Then I opened my Bible randomly. I do this from time to time and every time I read something that makes me feel like God is talking to me. Sort of like Gabriel Betteredge (the House Steward) does with Robinson Crusoe in The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins, if you've ever read it. (And if you haven't and like mysteries, I really recommend it. It was one of the first mysteries written.)
What I read said to seek solace in and find strength in God. That reminded me of the video that I saw last week of Team Hoyt doing an Iron Man on the Blog "My Life as a TriMommy." Then this morning I received an email from my old hairdresser in Atlanta and it too ended with the quote from Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." If that isn't a neon sign from God, I'm not really sure what is.
So to say the least this morning I am feeling blessed despite not getting to swim. I enjoyed my time with Angelfish and Ladybug this morning and am feeling thankful to have them in my life. Mr. Darcy appears to be missing me today because he left me a voice mail message while I was out taking the girls to daycare, then sent me an email with a picture of him from his cellphone saying "Thinking of You, "and then another with a picture of the conference room where he'll be spending his day of meetings. It is good to be loved.
I also discovered in my sleep that I'm upset with the owner of the bike shop I frequent. He is a nice person but a bit of a cycling snob and has a high opinion of himself. A few months back he wanted to swim with me so I could help him improve. I agreed and gave him the time and place of my next swim workout. He was shocked that I swam "over there" and I told him that I live "over there" (which I had told him several times before). I asked him didn't he ever wonder why I was always saying to him that it would take me about half an hour to get to his shop. His response was (and you can tell that this has bothered me subconsciously because I remember all of these details): "Well, you swim slow, bike slow and run slow, so I figure you just drive slow too."
At the time I just let it pass because these are the types of things he says from time to time. He also will ask you how much you weigh and tells you if he thinks you are losing weight. Evidently he also made some comment to Coach that the wetsuits wouldn't fit her or I because they'd be too small. So, he thinks we're fat too. In my case, fat and slow. Let me tell you how tempted I am to burst his ego with the fact that the wetsuit that worked for him is a WOMEN's size 12-16. He'd probably refuse to wear it afterwards, so I'm not going to do it because I'm trying to be the better person. But I find it funnier than can be. Normally it wouldn't be amusing but with the way his personality is, it makes it very funny.
He's supposed to ride with us during the 60 mile bike portion of our 60 bike/10 run brick this Sunday. Perhaps that's what set my subconscious off. In my sleep I told him what was what and that I could swim circles around him. In the dream, I used some words that my mother would call "sailor talk" to do so. I laughed about the dream when I remembered it yesterday while swimming, but it also told me something. Even my subconscious thinks that I can do the 70.3 and I'm not about to let anyone tell me differently.
So perhaps this is a morning of revelations. One much more peaceful than yesterday's. And I still plan to swim... at lunch time. (Update: I did my swim at lunch... 36:34 for 2000m! This eating all my calories thing must work.)
Showing posts with label being a mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being a mom. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
What a Morning!
Today is a rest day... as is tomorrow, but that's only because Mr. Darcy is out of town as of this evening and won't be back until late Saturday and I had to take Angelfish for her bloodwork this morning. If I get a chance today, I'm going to try to make it to the LA Fitness and swim the workout I missed on Monday.
I mentioned that I had to take Angelfish for her bloodwork. Yep. Lovely genetics that I have. At her 3 year check up, the doctor asked if there was any history of heart disease in the family. I think I may have actually laughed out loud. As I like to joke with my friends who are also of Polish descent, the first question you ask someone you find out is Polish is "where is your family from in Poland?" The 2nd question? "Who's your cardiologist?"
You would think that being an American my genetics would have been diluted by now. Grammy is 100% Polish and so is Dad, although both were born in the US, but then there's my Mom who is a full-blooded American mutt whose ancestors have been here since the Mayflower. Seriously. And Mr. Darcy whose family is so "American" they couldn't tell you where there from, other than they discovered that they were enough Cherokee Indian that Mr. Darcy could have gotten a scholarship if they had known before college and grad school instead of after.
But, no. After pulling myself out of my cardiology mirth at the pediatrician's, I answered yes and explained that we have a history of the chromosomal defect version of familial hypercholesterolemia. The doctor immediately sent Ladybug and Angelfish to the lab they have in the pediatrician's office for a finger prick test. Ladybug, who looks just like Mr. Darcy with a sprinkling of me, had beautiful blood work. No high cholesterol and everything else they ran was the definition of perfection. Angelfish, who looks like me with a smattering of Mr. Darcy (and the addition of red hair) and who you cannot deny comes from my Polish side of the family (it's spooky how much she can look like my father at times), had lovely everything except her cholesterol was high.
These children eat the same food, but are fraternal twins. For the science lover in me, this is like a super cool science experiment. The problem is that the Mommy in me wants to cry because it looks like I gave her some stinky gene. So at my cardiologist appointment a few weeks later, I asked about it. He told me it could either be genetics or it could be that she had high good cholesterol which sometimes occurs in children and is nothing to worry about. I, of course, took from this that I should definitely sign the girls up for soccer would be to start developing their cardiovascular systems as a defense against the possibilty of bad genetics. Funny what my take away is sometimes.
The pediatrician wanted to re-test in 2 months. So today, 2 months to the day, Angelfish and I went for her bloodwork. I explained to her on 2 different occasions what would happen so she wouldn't be as shocked by them taking her blood. Problem is, I think it hurts her a lot worse than it hurts me. She was great in the waiting room, though. We read books and talked and laughed. When they sent us back to the back to wait for our turn, she got quiet and snuggled in. When it was our turn, she wanted to see everything. I tried to get her to sing songs. I tried to get her to read Go, Dog, Go! which is one of her favorites. Nope. She wanted to see everything that was going on. She watched the phlembotomists get everything out, and she even looked straight at the needle... and then she whimpered.
Angelfish does not whimper. Ladybug, a different storoy. Angelfish has had stitches and staples in her scalp from her adventures, and never did she whimper, let alone cry. I knew it was going to be bad when I heard that whimper. I covered her eyes as they brought the needle in and told her it was going to be okay. The phlebotomist said that it would be a little mosquito. Too bad her little vein rolled and they had to move the needle in her arm just a little. She was crying, loudly, in pain. She begged for them to "take it out of me, please. I don't want it!" And I had to hold her tight, telling her she needed to be still and that she was going to be okay and that she'd definitely get a lollipop when it is over (and we know how I don't like giving these kids lollipops). I had to say a little prayer for strength so I didn't cry with her and so I could stay calm. It probably only took 3 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I feel for all those moms out there whose little ones have to go through chemo and much worse. I was a jelly fish (inside) after 3 minutes.
The second they were done Angelfish stopped crying. They gave her a lollipop and she tore into it (but remembered to put the wrapper in the trash can). I asked her if she was okay and she told me, "I want to go." So we left. In the car on the way to daycare (I felt like an evil mother sending her child to daycare after such trama), I asked her if she was doing okay. Angelfish replied: "I am not okay. That hurted and it was not fun." All I could think was that genetics really stink and that I'd really like her blood work to show perfectly okay cholesterol levels for a 3 year old. I mean, what are they going to do anyway, put her on kiddie crestor? I don't know that I'd go for that. Medicine like that for a 3 year old must have other developmental concerns. Fat is needed for brain development and growth and nerves and all that.
We'll find out next week, I imagine. But I can tell you I'm glad it's a rest day because my mind was nowhere near the 70.3 this morning. It was all I could do to keep the wolverine that Mr. Darcy says lurks beneath my surface when things deal with my children. The problem is, who would the wolverine get? Me or the phlebotomist? I'm the reason she's there, the phlebotomist just took her blood.
When I left Angelfish at daycare, she was happy. She wanted to keep her cotton ball and green polka dotted bandaid on... her little badge of courage... and it was playground time. I just hope she forgives me! As for me, I know I'll work it all out during my 55/8 brick on Sunday (or in the pool if I can get there today). Triathlon training always clears the cobwebs.
I mentioned that I had to take Angelfish for her bloodwork. Yep. Lovely genetics that I have. At her 3 year check up, the doctor asked if there was any history of heart disease in the family. I think I may have actually laughed out loud. As I like to joke with my friends who are also of Polish descent, the first question you ask someone you find out is Polish is "where is your family from in Poland?" The 2nd question? "Who's your cardiologist?"
You would think that being an American my genetics would have been diluted by now. Grammy is 100% Polish and so is Dad, although both were born in the US, but then there's my Mom who is a full-blooded American mutt whose ancestors have been here since the Mayflower. Seriously. And Mr. Darcy whose family is so "American" they couldn't tell you where there from, other than they discovered that they were enough Cherokee Indian that Mr. Darcy could have gotten a scholarship if they had known before college and grad school instead of after.
But, no. After pulling myself out of my cardiology mirth at the pediatrician's, I answered yes and explained that we have a history of the chromosomal defect version of familial hypercholesterolemia. The doctor immediately sent Ladybug and Angelfish to the lab they have in the pediatrician's office for a finger prick test. Ladybug, who looks just like Mr. Darcy with a sprinkling of me, had beautiful blood work. No high cholesterol and everything else they ran was the definition of perfection. Angelfish, who looks like me with a smattering of Mr. Darcy (and the addition of red hair) and who you cannot deny comes from my Polish side of the family (it's spooky how much she can look like my father at times), had lovely everything except her cholesterol was high.
These children eat the same food, but are fraternal twins. For the science lover in me, this is like a super cool science experiment. The problem is that the Mommy in me wants to cry because it looks like I gave her some stinky gene. So at my cardiologist appointment a few weeks later, I asked about it. He told me it could either be genetics or it could be that she had high good cholesterol which sometimes occurs in children and is nothing to worry about. I, of course, took from this that I should definitely sign the girls up for soccer would be to start developing their cardiovascular systems as a defense against the possibilty of bad genetics. Funny what my take away is sometimes.
The pediatrician wanted to re-test in 2 months. So today, 2 months to the day, Angelfish and I went for her bloodwork. I explained to her on 2 different occasions what would happen so she wouldn't be as shocked by them taking her blood. Problem is, I think it hurts her a lot worse than it hurts me. She was great in the waiting room, though. We read books and talked and laughed. When they sent us back to the back to wait for our turn, she got quiet and snuggled in. When it was our turn, she wanted to see everything. I tried to get her to sing songs. I tried to get her to read Go, Dog, Go! which is one of her favorites. Nope. She wanted to see everything that was going on. She watched the phlembotomists get everything out, and she even looked straight at the needle... and then she whimpered.
Angelfish does not whimper. Ladybug, a different storoy. Angelfish has had stitches and staples in her scalp from her adventures, and never did she whimper, let alone cry. I knew it was going to be bad when I heard that whimper. I covered her eyes as they brought the needle in and told her it was going to be okay. The phlebotomist said that it would be a little mosquito. Too bad her little vein rolled and they had to move the needle in her arm just a little. She was crying, loudly, in pain. She begged for them to "take it out of me, please. I don't want it!" And I had to hold her tight, telling her she needed to be still and that she was going to be okay and that she'd definitely get a lollipop when it is over (and we know how I don't like giving these kids lollipops). I had to say a little prayer for strength so I didn't cry with her and so I could stay calm. It probably only took 3 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I feel for all those moms out there whose little ones have to go through chemo and much worse. I was a jelly fish (inside) after 3 minutes.
The second they were done Angelfish stopped crying. They gave her a lollipop and she tore into it (but remembered to put the wrapper in the trash can). I asked her if she was okay and she told me, "I want to go." So we left. In the car on the way to daycare (I felt like an evil mother sending her child to daycare after such trama), I asked her if she was doing okay. Angelfish replied: "I am not okay. That hurted and it was not fun." All I could think was that genetics really stink and that I'd really like her blood work to show perfectly okay cholesterol levels for a 3 year old. I mean, what are they going to do anyway, put her on kiddie crestor? I don't know that I'd go for that. Medicine like that for a 3 year old must have other developmental concerns. Fat is needed for brain development and growth and nerves and all that.
We'll find out next week, I imagine. But I can tell you I'm glad it's a rest day because my mind was nowhere near the 70.3 this morning. It was all I could do to keep the wolverine that Mr. Darcy says lurks beneath my surface when things deal with my children. The problem is, who would the wolverine get? Me or the phlebotomist? I'm the reason she's there, the phlebotomist just took her blood.
When I left Angelfish at daycare, she was happy. She wanted to keep her cotton ball and green polka dotted bandaid on... her little badge of courage... and it was playground time. I just hope she forgives me! As for me, I know I'll work it all out during my 55/8 brick on Sunday (or in the pool if I can get there today). Triathlon training always clears the cobwebs.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It all involves Water.
My children are crazy things. Mr. Darcy has a deadline this week and hasn't been home until after midnight and promises more such evenings until the end of the week when the deadline is finally over. The past 2 nights the girls and I have been hanging out, having a good time and then bedtime comes. At some point either during or after story time, Ladybug turns into a grumpy troll. I'm not sure how it happens, but all of a sudden she fixates on something and starts screaming and crying as only a 3 year old can.
Last night, I thought all was well. Sure Ladybug screamed her head off and all that, but after a few minutes of leaving the room it got quiet. I thought they fell asleep. Nope. At 10:30 pm, I was awakened by the sound of Angelfish screaming. I run to their bedroom to discover that neither of them are in their beds. Now I start to panic because I didn't have the alarm on because who knows what hour Mr. Darcy will get home, and they are gone. And then I hear it. A happy screech and splashing. But they are not in their bathroom. I follow the sound to the guest bathroom and throw open the door. The light is on, all of the handtowels and bathtowels that were hanging up or folded nicely near the sink are soaking wet. The floor is covered with water, and there are 2 naughty little girls in their pajamas splashing about in the bathtub while water runs from the faucet.
I shouted. at the top of my lungs. GO TO BED! They looked at me like I was the biggest meanie ever. I do my best not to yell. I come from a long line of yellers and have been working hard not to yell at the girls. But this time, I think they deserved it. I just yelled that one thing and then told them that they could have gotten hurt or drowned as they marched grumpily to their bedrooms. I told them that because of their behavior - not staying in bed, making a mess of the bathroom, playing in the tub without supervision - they would both be getting spankings. The gnashing and wailing of teeth (on their part) started as soon as I said it. Then I gave each a spank (not that hard at all). I HATE to give spankings and only give them very sparingly. To be honest, it makes me nauseous and gives me a sick feeling to spank either of my children. But, post spanking they cried only a minute or two more and were silent. And I'm pretty sure that they went to sleep that time. Water.
This morning I got up early because it's a busy day. 5:15 am, I'm up and packing my gym bag and about to put on my swim suit when Angelfish appears out of nowhere. Running. I jumped about 20 feet in the air and she says "I'm going to the potty" as she sprints past me. Why she didn't use the potty in her bathroom, I have no idea, but then I'm still working on understanding the minds of 3 year olds. I get my bathing suit on and she tells me "I'm not tired." How can you not be tired when you go to bed at 10:45 pm, wake at 5:15 am, and you're only 3? But she insists, so she watched me eat my breakfast, tell her I was going to the gym, and leave (Mr. Darcy was home, of course.).
I got to the gym by 6am, hit the pool at 6:07 am. I had a 2500m swim consisting of a 500 m swim, a 500 m pull, 5x100 drills, another 500m pull but with breathing changes, and then a 500 m cool down. I was psyched. I always am slower when drills and pulls are involved, but I still finished the workout by 6:57. 50 minutes for 1 1/2 miles. It made me happy. Water.
Then it was off to get showered, dressed and get myself home. Where I was greeted by Ladybug and Mr. Darcy as Mr. Darcy was trying to convince her that she needed to use the potty before putting on her bathing suit (it's WATER day at school today). Ladybug followed me around a bit and then decided she wanted water to drink, but it had to be out of the red cup that I had just drank my Recoverite and that she refused to let me wash first. Oh and I had to get the water just so. I ended up walking away because she was yelling at me (the way 3 year olds yell at people with that whiny annoying voice... it's not a good thing to be a Mom with one her pet peeves is whining). I told her I would be happy to help her when she was ready to ask me nicely. She tried to hit me. I told her that she should not hit her Mommy and that it was not acceptable behavior. Ladybug in her 3 year old rage walks up to me, looks at my knee to find my scraped up leg, and hits me as hard as she can on my skinned up knee (which is very tender at the moment). She intentionally harmed me over a glass of water.
I told Mr. Darcy the situation, walked into my office, closed the door, and prepared for my teleconference at 8 am. Water. Ladybug cried a river because Mommy walked away and didn't give in. Mr. Darcy put her in time out and only got her when he was ready to take her to the car (about 5 minutes later... she wasn't there long). She never apologized but grabbed for me and wanted her Mommy. She wanted to stay home with me today. Tears running down her face.
I felt for her and of course forgive her mean but childlike anger and actions. I love my Ladybug and Angelfish so much that sometimes it makes me cry. But at the same time, they can frustrate me to no end. And I will be honest... as soon as Mr. Darcy took Ladybug to the car, I thought to myself: "This time next week, I will be on a cruise ship, alone with Mr. Darcy (the first time since our children were born over 3 years ago), in the Bahamas looking at the beautful... water."
Last night, I thought all was well. Sure Ladybug screamed her head off and all that, but after a few minutes of leaving the room it got quiet. I thought they fell asleep. Nope. At 10:30 pm, I was awakened by the sound of Angelfish screaming. I run to their bedroom to discover that neither of them are in their beds. Now I start to panic because I didn't have the alarm on because who knows what hour Mr. Darcy will get home, and they are gone. And then I hear it. A happy screech and splashing. But they are not in their bathroom. I follow the sound to the guest bathroom and throw open the door. The light is on, all of the handtowels and bathtowels that were hanging up or folded nicely near the sink are soaking wet. The floor is covered with water, and there are 2 naughty little girls in their pajamas splashing about in the bathtub while water runs from the faucet.
I shouted. at the top of my lungs. GO TO BED! They looked at me like I was the biggest meanie ever. I do my best not to yell. I come from a long line of yellers and have been working hard not to yell at the girls. But this time, I think they deserved it. I just yelled that one thing and then told them that they could have gotten hurt or drowned as they marched grumpily to their bedrooms. I told them that because of their behavior - not staying in bed, making a mess of the bathroom, playing in the tub without supervision - they would both be getting spankings. The gnashing and wailing of teeth (on their part) started as soon as I said it. Then I gave each a spank (not that hard at all). I HATE to give spankings and only give them very sparingly. To be honest, it makes me nauseous and gives me a sick feeling to spank either of my children. But, post spanking they cried only a minute or two more and were silent. And I'm pretty sure that they went to sleep that time. Water.
This morning I got up early because it's a busy day. 5:15 am, I'm up and packing my gym bag and about to put on my swim suit when Angelfish appears out of nowhere. Running. I jumped about 20 feet in the air and she says "I'm going to the potty" as she sprints past me. Why she didn't use the potty in her bathroom, I have no idea, but then I'm still working on understanding the minds of 3 year olds. I get my bathing suit on and she tells me "I'm not tired." How can you not be tired when you go to bed at 10:45 pm, wake at 5:15 am, and you're only 3? But she insists, so she watched me eat my breakfast, tell her I was going to the gym, and leave (Mr. Darcy was home, of course.).
I got to the gym by 6am, hit the pool at 6:07 am. I had a 2500m swim consisting of a 500 m swim, a 500 m pull, 5x100 drills, another 500m pull but with breathing changes, and then a 500 m cool down. I was psyched. I always am slower when drills and pulls are involved, but I still finished the workout by 6:57. 50 minutes for 1 1/2 miles. It made me happy. Water.
Then it was off to get showered, dressed and get myself home. Where I was greeted by Ladybug and Mr. Darcy as Mr. Darcy was trying to convince her that she needed to use the potty before putting on her bathing suit (it's WATER day at school today). Ladybug followed me around a bit and then decided she wanted water to drink, but it had to be out of the red cup that I had just drank my Recoverite and that she refused to let me wash first. Oh and I had to get the water just so. I ended up walking away because she was yelling at me (the way 3 year olds yell at people with that whiny annoying voice... it's not a good thing to be a Mom with one her pet peeves is whining). I told her I would be happy to help her when she was ready to ask me nicely. She tried to hit me. I told her that she should not hit her Mommy and that it was not acceptable behavior. Ladybug in her 3 year old rage walks up to me, looks at my knee to find my scraped up leg, and hits me as hard as she can on my skinned up knee (which is very tender at the moment). She intentionally harmed me over a glass of water.
I told Mr. Darcy the situation, walked into my office, closed the door, and prepared for my teleconference at 8 am. Water. Ladybug cried a river because Mommy walked away and didn't give in. Mr. Darcy put her in time out and only got her when he was ready to take her to the car (about 5 minutes later... she wasn't there long). She never apologized but grabbed for me and wanted her Mommy. She wanted to stay home with me today. Tears running down her face.
I felt for her and of course forgive her mean but childlike anger and actions. I love my Ladybug and Angelfish so much that sometimes it makes me cry. But at the same time, they can frustrate me to no end. And I will be honest... as soon as Mr. Darcy took Ladybug to the car, I thought to myself: "This time next week, I will be on a cruise ship, alone with Mr. Darcy (the first time since our children were born over 3 years ago), in the Bahamas looking at the beautful... water."
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Crazy Legs and a Working Mom
Crazy legs. Today was supposed to be a 4 mile hard run. Well, it was hard alright but not for the reason it was supposed to be hard. Either my back needs an adjustment (which is most likely since my last "maintenance" appointment was back in Atlanta in August of 2008 right before we moved) or something is wrong with my left leg. I started off on a faster pace than usual this morning and 2/3 of the way in my leg started hurting. Pain emanated from my arch up the right side of my ankle up the outside of my shin to half way up my shin, and it got worse and worse. At the 1.25 mile mark I stretched it thinking that it would help. Tears came to my eyes as I rotated my left ankle in a circle and the pain in my shin intensified. I stopped stretching and decided that I would just have to suck it up and keep going. I ran a little bit more - maybe another .25 mile and the pain was so bad that I was on the verge of tears. I had to walk. Then another .25 mile later and the pain subsided.
So I ran. I pushed myself for somewhere between 1 and 1.5 miles running hard enough that I ended up with my HR monitor beeping at me because I was above 159. And then. The pain returned. This time starting in my heel and working itself up my ankle, up the outer side of my shin bone half way up my leg. I decided to deal with it until I started developing a pain in my outer hip/butt. At that point, I decided that I would rather be able to run during the 70.3 in September than today. I walked some more - at this point I was starting the last mile of my 4 miles, but I had to walk. Even my gait had changed. I could hear my foot as it hit the pavement and made a slapping sort of sound. I walked briskly as the pain subsided. I realized I was still sort of flopping my foot as I walked. I forced myself to walk correctly and the pain shot up my outer shin again. I decided my body was trying to do me a favor by flopping my foot and so I let it.
When I got home, I stretched and heard a little click in my lower back. I'm not sure if this leg issue has anything to do with my back, but I do know that my back has been a little clicky lately and the other day my pants weren't lining up with my bellybutton, which at the time I attributed to them being too big now, but in the past has been because my back wasn't happy even though I couldn't feel the pain just yet. So I promptly emailed Coach and told her I needed the name of her chiropractor. As soon as I get it, I'll make an appointment. This time I mean it. Hopefully that will cure my crazy legs. I have a 8 mile run scheduled for Friday and then 4 more miles (split by a 30 mile bike) for Saturday, so we need this little problem solved before then.
But even with the issues, I am proud of my run for two things: 1) I didn't stop. I got my 4 miles done the best way I could... and 2) I listened to my body and what it was telling me. Preserving myself for continued training instead of sending myself off to the trash heap where I can't train. I know I will have pain in the 70.3 that's the nature of triathlons in many ways. Knowing how to deal with it is half the battle.
A Working Mom. I sometimes think that husbands, like Mr. Darcy, have no idea how much a working mom like me does in a day. This comes up because Mr. Darcy had an evening meeting with a social organization he is involved with yesterday and he asked me to wait up for him. I told him that I would try to make it to 10:30 pm but beyond that all bets were off. Unfortunately, he got home at 10:15 pm and I was sound asleep. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep and at some point I had even woken up to shut the tv I was watching off. I felt badly this morning when he told me that he got home and I was asleep, but the fact of the matter is I have (like many working moms) 15 hour days, and the sleep I get is usually because I'm exhausted and can't do anymore and somewhere I think Mr. Darcy sometimes takes it personally when I've fallen asleep.
Here is my littany of what a typical day of mine is: 1) wake up at 5:45 am; 2) encourage Mr. Darcy to get out of bed as I use the facilities, brush my teeth, and dress in my workout clothes; 3) head to eat breakfast while telling Mr. Darcy he needs to get up and take his shower; 4) eat breakfast; 5) organize anything the girls need to take to school with them; 6) wake Angelfish and Ladybug, encourage potty usage, strip down any beds and children who have peed during the night, clean up said pee pee child, get children to put on clothes; 6) Mr. Darcy arrives somewhere during the getting clothes on the children portion and will usually take the less grumpy of the two (invariably Angelfish), I deal with temper tantrum or grumpy child until a) I am about to start yelling at said child and call for Mr. Darcy as reinforcement or b) I am sucessful; 7) get grumpy child eating some breakfast; 8) depending on whether children are being clingy I either head out for my morning training session in the neighborhood or get said children in car so Mr. Darcy can take them to school and then do my morning training session; 9) after my training session, I shower and get ready for work; 10) eat the rest of my morning breakfast and begin work; 11) work full day; 12) during lunch time I do odds and ends around the house like laundry, straightening, planning birthday parties, taking care of other social events, planning trips, birthday presents, sending cards, etc.; 13) immediately after finishing work, I take about 10 minutes to think about what needs to be done this evening and then head off to collect the little ladies from daycare; 14) pick up liliputians, herd them out of the daycare and into the car (which doesn't sound like much but they often want to explore the parking lot, play with the school mailbox, etc.); 15) if I have an evening training session, drive the ladies downtown to Mr. Darcy's work and then do my training session; if I do not have an evening training session; return home and play with them for a few minutes; 16) cook dinner, serve dinner, and at least clear the dinner table; 17) spend time with children and Mr. Darcy, usually playing or watching a children's tv show and keeping Ladybug and Angelfish from beating each other up; 18) spend anywhere from 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours getting children into bed - this is a struggle no matter how much we do the same routine every night and I fully blame daylight savings for it as the girls refrain is "but it still daytime." I am not a farmer and most americans are not farmers so let's stop with the daylight savings already. 19) It's about 9 pm now and I put on my pajamas, try to deal with anything that remains to be done (i.e. printing of birthday invitations, cleaning dishes, etc.) for the day and attempting to have a "how was your day conversation" with Mr. Darcy; 20) If I am lucky, I sit down and read a book or watch some tv that does not involve cartoon characters and somewhere fall asleep.
Working Moms have a difficult time of it. Of course, there are those that would say then be a stay at home Mom instead of trying to have it all. The problem is that many of us working moms would love to stay at home but either our temperment is that where it is better for both children and Mom to work or we have the temperment for it but without the 2nd income making ends meet and being able to send our children to college, take a simple vacation, etc. is not possible. The way I look at it is not to complain about my lot, but merely to explain that 10 pm is not realistic for me to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I love my children and view my continuing to work as a sacrifice I make so they have the best life I can give them - not just materially, but educationally and experientially as well. That includes my spending the large majority of my waking hours outside of work being with them and caring for them, which I love but that at their age is a bit exhausting. As for the hours spent training for triathlons, that is the thing that I keep for myself. Yes, it makes me tired too, but I have to have something for myself or else I am no longer the woman who became a wife to Mr. Darcy or the woman who became the Mommy to Angelfish and Ladybug. And then we'd all be in a pickle.
So hurrah for all working moms everywhere!
So I ran. I pushed myself for somewhere between 1 and 1.5 miles running hard enough that I ended up with my HR monitor beeping at me because I was above 159. And then. The pain returned. This time starting in my heel and working itself up my ankle, up the outer side of my shin bone half way up my leg. I decided to deal with it until I started developing a pain in my outer hip/butt. At that point, I decided that I would rather be able to run during the 70.3 in September than today. I walked some more - at this point I was starting the last mile of my 4 miles, but I had to walk. Even my gait had changed. I could hear my foot as it hit the pavement and made a slapping sort of sound. I walked briskly as the pain subsided. I realized I was still sort of flopping my foot as I walked. I forced myself to walk correctly and the pain shot up my outer shin again. I decided my body was trying to do me a favor by flopping my foot and so I let it.
When I got home, I stretched and heard a little click in my lower back. I'm not sure if this leg issue has anything to do with my back, but I do know that my back has been a little clicky lately and the other day my pants weren't lining up with my bellybutton, which at the time I attributed to them being too big now, but in the past has been because my back wasn't happy even though I couldn't feel the pain just yet. So I promptly emailed Coach and told her I needed the name of her chiropractor. As soon as I get it, I'll make an appointment. This time I mean it. Hopefully that will cure my crazy legs. I have a 8 mile run scheduled for Friday and then 4 more miles (split by a 30 mile bike) for Saturday, so we need this little problem solved before then.
But even with the issues, I am proud of my run for two things: 1) I didn't stop. I got my 4 miles done the best way I could... and 2) I listened to my body and what it was telling me. Preserving myself for continued training instead of sending myself off to the trash heap where I can't train. I know I will have pain in the 70.3 that's the nature of triathlons in many ways. Knowing how to deal with it is half the battle.
A Working Mom. I sometimes think that husbands, like Mr. Darcy, have no idea how much a working mom like me does in a day. This comes up because Mr. Darcy had an evening meeting with a social organization he is involved with yesterday and he asked me to wait up for him. I told him that I would try to make it to 10:30 pm but beyond that all bets were off. Unfortunately, he got home at 10:15 pm and I was sound asleep. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep and at some point I had even woken up to shut the tv I was watching off. I felt badly this morning when he told me that he got home and I was asleep, but the fact of the matter is I have (like many working moms) 15 hour days, and the sleep I get is usually because I'm exhausted and can't do anymore and somewhere I think Mr. Darcy sometimes takes it personally when I've fallen asleep.
Here is my littany of what a typical day of mine is: 1) wake up at 5:45 am; 2) encourage Mr. Darcy to get out of bed as I use the facilities, brush my teeth, and dress in my workout clothes; 3) head to eat breakfast while telling Mr. Darcy he needs to get up and take his shower; 4) eat breakfast; 5) organize anything the girls need to take to school with them; 6) wake Angelfish and Ladybug, encourage potty usage, strip down any beds and children who have peed during the night, clean up said pee pee child, get children to put on clothes; 6) Mr. Darcy arrives somewhere during the getting clothes on the children portion and will usually take the less grumpy of the two (invariably Angelfish), I deal with temper tantrum or grumpy child until a) I am about to start yelling at said child and call for Mr. Darcy as reinforcement or b) I am sucessful; 7) get grumpy child eating some breakfast; 8) depending on whether children are being clingy I either head out for my morning training session in the neighborhood or get said children in car so Mr. Darcy can take them to school and then do my morning training session; 9) after my training session, I shower and get ready for work; 10) eat the rest of my morning breakfast and begin work; 11) work full day; 12) during lunch time I do odds and ends around the house like laundry, straightening, planning birthday parties, taking care of other social events, planning trips, birthday presents, sending cards, etc.; 13) immediately after finishing work, I take about 10 minutes to think about what needs to be done this evening and then head off to collect the little ladies from daycare; 14) pick up liliputians, herd them out of the daycare and into the car (which doesn't sound like much but they often want to explore the parking lot, play with the school mailbox, etc.); 15) if I have an evening training session, drive the ladies downtown to Mr. Darcy's work and then do my training session; if I do not have an evening training session; return home and play with them for a few minutes; 16) cook dinner, serve dinner, and at least clear the dinner table; 17) spend time with children and Mr. Darcy, usually playing or watching a children's tv show and keeping Ladybug and Angelfish from beating each other up; 18) spend anywhere from 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours getting children into bed - this is a struggle no matter how much we do the same routine every night and I fully blame daylight savings for it as the girls refrain is "but it still daytime." I am not a farmer and most americans are not farmers so let's stop with the daylight savings already. 19) It's about 9 pm now and I put on my pajamas, try to deal with anything that remains to be done (i.e. printing of birthday invitations, cleaning dishes, etc.) for the day and attempting to have a "how was your day conversation" with Mr. Darcy; 20) If I am lucky, I sit down and read a book or watch some tv that does not involve cartoon characters and somewhere fall asleep.
Working Moms have a difficult time of it. Of course, there are those that would say then be a stay at home Mom instead of trying to have it all. The problem is that many of us working moms would love to stay at home but either our temperment is that where it is better for both children and Mom to work or we have the temperment for it but without the 2nd income making ends meet and being able to send our children to college, take a simple vacation, etc. is not possible. The way I look at it is not to complain about my lot, but merely to explain that 10 pm is not realistic for me to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I love my children and view my continuing to work as a sacrifice I make so they have the best life I can give them - not just materially, but educationally and experientially as well. That includes my spending the large majority of my waking hours outside of work being with them and caring for them, which I love but that at their age is a bit exhausting. As for the hours spent training for triathlons, that is the thing that I keep for myself. Yes, it makes me tired too, but I have to have something for myself or else I am no longer the woman who became a wife to Mr. Darcy or the woman who became the Mommy to Angelfish and Ladybug. And then we'd all be in a pickle.
So hurrah for all working moms everywhere!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Best Laid Plans and Revisions
I had the best laid plan in the world for this morning. I was going to rise at 4:30 am, eat, set the trainer up, do my 1.5 hour ride, run for 1/2 an hour and return just in time for the little ones to wake, sleepy eyed and adorable as they do each morning. It was going to be perfect timing.
Fate, it would seem, had other plans. I sometimes wonder what it is that attracts the god of mischief to my daily life. Of course, sometimes the mischief is fun... this morning was a mixed bag. I woke at 3:45 am to the feeling that someone was staring at me. Lo and behold, Ladybug was standing at the side of the bed staring at me through the darkness. I said her name and put my hand on her bottom and sure enough, pee! So, I was up and we went to the bathroom for her to potty and to change. Then she insisted she had to have pajama shorts - not pajama pants, mind you, but pajama shorts - all of which were in the chest of drawers in the bedroom she shares with her sleeping sister. Not wanting to wake said sister, I said no. This led to crying and wailing and perhaps even some gnashing of teeth, although I might have been the one gnashing the teeth, it's hard to tell it was so early. Being desirous of at least a few more moments of sleep, I caved. By this time, Mr. Darcy had woken up and was trying to calm Ladybug down also. Finally, quiet. And then I literally had the feeling that right as I was finally about to sleep again the alarm was going to go off. Just as I had the thought, the alarm went off.
Up again. This time getting ready, eating breakfast, setting up the trainer. Angelfish comes out looking worried and the moment she sees me, she lifts her arms up to be picked up. I pick her up and soothe her and bring her to the bathroom to use the potty. We talk a little and it turns out that she had a bad dream. I can't quite understand what she's trying to explain but evidently there was a bad dream involving the carpet. I take her to her bedroom and lay down with her for a bit, and she asks for a story. So I tell her a story about a guardian angel just for her that is friends with her Mommy and with God & who looks out for her. She starts to fall asleep. Then we hear Ladybug out of the bedroom with her Daddy in tow talking in a very loud voice. I jump up to get her away from the door but Angelfish stays in the bed, so I thought she was asleep. It's not even 5 am yet!
Ladybug is hungry because she heard me eating cereal, and "you should have closed the bedroom door all the way." To which I replied, "I'm up this early because you want me to have at least one day on the weekend off so there are no interruptions to family life. So be nice." Grumpiness abounds at that hour of the morning. I get on the bike at 4:47 am. (I should explain that our alarm clock is set 15-20 minutes ahead of the actual time to ensure we get where we need to go on time.) Ladybug eats her cereal, discovers my during training nutrition and tries to get me to eat some, and I tell her that I'm not going to eat any just yet because I haven't been on the bike very long. Then she wants to know if I'm almost done. I told her that I still have quite awhile to go. Mr. Darcy ushers her off to the bedroom again to try to get some sleep.
Not even 20 minutes pass and Angelfish appears again, but this time with a sly smile on her face. She asks where Ladybug is and I tell her that she's in the bedroom with Daddy because she couldn't' sleep and that she can go in there too. About 5 minutes later, Mr. Darcy appears and gets the "Sleeping Beauty" video. Evidently, the girls watch the video and Mr. Darcy tries to get some sleep. I'm still riding away on the trainer. All works out in the end, but what a fiasco. Angelfish and Ladybug never went back to sleep and Ladybug raised some more Cain at some point while I was still on the bike, but after inquiring if all was well, I was told it was under control.
The trainer included 1 leg drills. I was supposed to do 6, alternating legs each minute. I accidentally did 8 because I wasn't thinking about it and started minute 7 with the left leg and then it dawned on me 30 seconds in, at which point I decided I didn't want to be uneven. (Yes, Coach, I know you read my blog. Turns out yesterday was supposed to be 3x500 negative splits not 2x750, which I remembered wrong from my workouts and so I told on myself in my blog... my brain is not necessarily the best that early in the morning.) Whether 6 or 8, those suckers are hard! Much easier with the right leg than the left. By the end I was able to have a somewhat smooth minute on the right side, but not as much on the left side. Then the rest of the 1.5 hours on the trainer. Something about using the trainer is harder for me than riding on the road, and I certainly was rather sweaty by the end of it.
The 1/2 hour run was actually pretty good, but resulted in my becoming even more sweaty. I was completely drenched by the end of it, but felt good. I did about 2.4 miles in 30 minutes. Not a world record, but rather good for me especially after completing 1.5 hours on the bike just prior. I was pleased, and thrilled to find that I could have gone farther. (Despite the neighbor walking his dog who during my last 2 minutes of the run when I was supposed to be in a lower zone that I should keep up the pace - note to self, I need to get Coach or Mr. Darcy to help me set my heart rate monitor so I can actually train in the various heart rate zones. I told the neighbor I would run faster but it was the end of my 2 hour workout.)
I could use a good nap and some caffeine, and I'm really hungry at the moment, but other than that it all turned out nicely.
As for revisions, it has to do with my plotting for a European adventure. After looking at prices for airfare overseas (well, actually, the taxes and fees associated with overseas travel that turn a $298 airfare into $660), I am now plotting for a Northwestern US/Canadian adventure. Much less pricey (especially since it looks like we can get 3 of the 4 tickets for "free" via points and sky miles), and still something that sounds like fun. Not to mention the discovery of nonstop air travel from Orlando to Seattle, which settled some minds... although a decision has not yet been fully rendered. See Seattle, visit some family (if they're available) when we're there, and venture up to Vancouver as well. The ability to cross another state and a Canadian province off my list of places to go before I die to boot. There is hope.
Still waiting on the tri bike. Called the shop yesterday and they said they thought it would have arrived on Tuesday so they were hoping it would arrive yesterday and they'd call when it was in. No call. It will arrive eventually, I guess. I am just ever so excited.
In other exciting news, Ladybug kept her underpants dry all day yesterday! Day #2 in the victory of the unified forces against the potty training resistance. Let's hope we can go for more! The funny part is that Angelfish is 99.8% potty trained but we have to reward her as well for keeping it up because we can't chance her defection to the potty training resistance. The war of the bladders continues!
Fate, it would seem, had other plans. I sometimes wonder what it is that attracts the god of mischief to my daily life. Of course, sometimes the mischief is fun... this morning was a mixed bag. I woke at 3:45 am to the feeling that someone was staring at me. Lo and behold, Ladybug was standing at the side of the bed staring at me through the darkness. I said her name and put my hand on her bottom and sure enough, pee! So, I was up and we went to the bathroom for her to potty and to change. Then she insisted she had to have pajama shorts - not pajama pants, mind you, but pajama shorts - all of which were in the chest of drawers in the bedroom she shares with her sleeping sister. Not wanting to wake said sister, I said no. This led to crying and wailing and perhaps even some gnashing of teeth, although I might have been the one gnashing the teeth, it's hard to tell it was so early. Being desirous of at least a few more moments of sleep, I caved. By this time, Mr. Darcy had woken up and was trying to calm Ladybug down also. Finally, quiet. And then I literally had the feeling that right as I was finally about to sleep again the alarm was going to go off. Just as I had the thought, the alarm went off.
Up again. This time getting ready, eating breakfast, setting up the trainer. Angelfish comes out looking worried and the moment she sees me, she lifts her arms up to be picked up. I pick her up and soothe her and bring her to the bathroom to use the potty. We talk a little and it turns out that she had a bad dream. I can't quite understand what she's trying to explain but evidently there was a bad dream involving the carpet. I take her to her bedroom and lay down with her for a bit, and she asks for a story. So I tell her a story about a guardian angel just for her that is friends with her Mommy and with God & who looks out for her. She starts to fall asleep. Then we hear Ladybug out of the bedroom with her Daddy in tow talking in a very loud voice. I jump up to get her away from the door but Angelfish stays in the bed, so I thought she was asleep. It's not even 5 am yet!
Ladybug is hungry because she heard me eating cereal, and "you should have closed the bedroom door all the way." To which I replied, "I'm up this early because you want me to have at least one day on the weekend off so there are no interruptions to family life. So be nice." Grumpiness abounds at that hour of the morning. I get on the bike at 4:47 am. (I should explain that our alarm clock is set 15-20 minutes ahead of the actual time to ensure we get where we need to go on time.) Ladybug eats her cereal, discovers my during training nutrition and tries to get me to eat some, and I tell her that I'm not going to eat any just yet because I haven't been on the bike very long. Then she wants to know if I'm almost done. I told her that I still have quite awhile to go. Mr. Darcy ushers her off to the bedroom again to try to get some sleep.
Not even 20 minutes pass and Angelfish appears again, but this time with a sly smile on her face. She asks where Ladybug is and I tell her that she's in the bedroom with Daddy because she couldn't' sleep and that she can go in there too. About 5 minutes later, Mr. Darcy appears and gets the "Sleeping Beauty" video. Evidently, the girls watch the video and Mr. Darcy tries to get some sleep. I'm still riding away on the trainer. All works out in the end, but what a fiasco. Angelfish and Ladybug never went back to sleep and Ladybug raised some more Cain at some point while I was still on the bike, but after inquiring if all was well, I was told it was under control.
The trainer included 1 leg drills. I was supposed to do 6, alternating legs each minute. I accidentally did 8 because I wasn't thinking about it and started minute 7 with the left leg and then it dawned on me 30 seconds in, at which point I decided I didn't want to be uneven. (Yes, Coach, I know you read my blog. Turns out yesterday was supposed to be 3x500 negative splits not 2x750, which I remembered wrong from my workouts and so I told on myself in my blog... my brain is not necessarily the best that early in the morning.) Whether 6 or 8, those suckers are hard! Much easier with the right leg than the left. By the end I was able to have a somewhat smooth minute on the right side, but not as much on the left side. Then the rest of the 1.5 hours on the trainer. Something about using the trainer is harder for me than riding on the road, and I certainly was rather sweaty by the end of it.
The 1/2 hour run was actually pretty good, but resulted in my becoming even more sweaty. I was completely drenched by the end of it, but felt good. I did about 2.4 miles in 30 minutes. Not a world record, but rather good for me especially after completing 1.5 hours on the bike just prior. I was pleased, and thrilled to find that I could have gone farther. (Despite the neighbor walking his dog who during my last 2 minutes of the run when I was supposed to be in a lower zone that I should keep up the pace - note to self, I need to get Coach or Mr. Darcy to help me set my heart rate monitor so I can actually train in the various heart rate zones. I told the neighbor I would run faster but it was the end of my 2 hour workout.)
I could use a good nap and some caffeine, and I'm really hungry at the moment, but other than that it all turned out nicely.
As for revisions, it has to do with my plotting for a European adventure. After looking at prices for airfare overseas (well, actually, the taxes and fees associated with overseas travel that turn a $298 airfare into $660), I am now plotting for a Northwestern US/Canadian adventure. Much less pricey (especially since it looks like we can get 3 of the 4 tickets for "free" via points and sky miles), and still something that sounds like fun. Not to mention the discovery of nonstop air travel from Orlando to Seattle, which settled some minds... although a decision has not yet been fully rendered. See Seattle, visit some family (if they're available) when we're there, and venture up to Vancouver as well. The ability to cross another state and a Canadian province off my list of places to go before I die to boot. There is hope.
Still waiting on the tri bike. Called the shop yesterday and they said they thought it would have arrived on Tuesday so they were hoping it would arrive yesterday and they'd call when it was in. No call. It will arrive eventually, I guess. I am just ever so excited.
In other exciting news, Ladybug kept her underpants dry all day yesterday! Day #2 in the victory of the unified forces against the potty training resistance. Let's hope we can go for more! The funny part is that Angelfish is 99.8% potty trained but we have to reward her as well for keeping it up because we can't chance her defection to the potty training resistance. The war of the bladders continues!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday when It's Really Tuesday...
That's today. It seems like a Monday, but it's really Tuesday. Tuesday feels like Monday because I had Monday off and because it seems like I have so many things to do before the weekend.
We had a wonderful time this weekend in St. Pete for Lauren's wedding. It was the 1st trip we've taken without Angelfish & Ladybug since they were born, and while we missed them terribly, it was also very nice to have an uninterrupted conversation, not have people climbing all over you, and not having to chase people down and keep them from doing things they shouldn't do.
Saturday morning we packed and got ready for our trip and then headed out. But, due to Friday's swim I had to stop by Tri & Run to get a new pair of goggles and some body glide for the big race this coming Sunday. So we did that and had a leisurely lunch at a French restaurant before driving over to St. Pete. We checked in, napped, and arranged to have dinner with our friends Christine & Jon who were in town for the wedding also. We ended up eating at The Columbia at the St. Pete Pier, which just so happened to be the location for the swim leg of the St. Anthony's triathlon that Sunday.
I have the tri bug pretty badly. I couldn't help but watch the buoys bouncing around in the waves and think that I really hoped it calmed down for tomorrow's racers and feel that excitement that meant I wanted to race. (BTW, it never did calm down and in the 1st time in the tri's 26 year history, it cancelled the swim leg for everyone except for the professional triathletes.) Not to mention my checking out every bike racked on every car we passed to see what it looked like... and keeping my eye open for possible triathletes.
Dinner was a blast though, until the topic of mother's day arose. Mr. Darcy asked "when is Mother's Day?" while paying the bill. I laughed and said I wondered if that question was going to come up at some point soon, and told him that it was the weekend after next. Then I asked why... and he showed us the bill where it said "Make your Mother's Day reservations with us!" and said it was a good thing he paid the bill. But it was the next comment out of his mouth that upset me. The next words out of his mouth were "I don't have to buy you a present though because you're not MY mother." Being rather self controlled (it must have been the relaxing day), I merely responded that technically he did not have to buy me a present because I was not his mother, but that I was the mother of his children and that they can't drive and don't have a job so he'd have to buy a present from them. I couldn't help but think to myself, "Uh, no, I'm not your mother, but I only went through a lot to have your children and have done anything and everything that I can to nurture and raise them as well as I am able since they were conceived. But, no that's not worthy of honoring me as the mother of your children."
We talked about it calmly the next day, but as you can tell this topic still bothers me. He says that he understands my point of view and that he's sorry he hurt my feelings, but I'm not sure he gets why. Perhaps his father never bought his mother a card and present for Mother's Day? I cannot be certain, but I'm pretty sure that he does. Bill claims he can't remember it. So, as Mr. Darcy gets his way with most things (despite claiming that he does not - although I get my way a decent amount too), I told him that the manicure and pedicure I got that day with Lauren and Heather and Lauren's Auntie could be his present to me for Mother's Day so he only needs to get presents from the girls. I probably shot myself in the foot with that since that will probably only reinforce his notion that he doesn't have to do anything for me (other than from the girls) for Mother's Day since I am not his mother. I will get over it eventually, as with all things, but it's really bugging me at the moment.
But the time together and the wedding was wonderful. Lauren didn't have a bridal party, so Heather and I pitched in to help where we could - keeping the bride as happy as we could, and helping her step-daughter get ready when the hair and makeup was running late, and helping Lauren get ready herself. It was fun! The reception was great too... good food, good drinks, good company, and good music. Yesterday morning, we had a fun breakfast with Heather & Jeremy, Christine & Jon, and Lauren & Steve before setting out... and before Lauren & Steve decided to cancel their honeymoon to Mexico and go to San Juan instead. Wishes for a flu free honeymoon abound!
By the time we got home, we were completely exhausted. I had fun with the little ladies while Mr. Darcy and his Dad returned the tv Mr. Darcy decided he didn't want after the fiasco with Direct TV and while Mr. Darcy's Mom took a nap. Then I took a 10 minute nap after Mr. Darcy's Mom woke up, got ready for my swim practice and headed out. Swim practice was fun, although I was pretty slow in the pool yesterday... guess staying up to midnight and drinking a little too much at the wedding the night before isn't the best for encouraging fast swim times. But I have to say I love the wave pool we made to simulate race start was fun... including the swimming through it!
I made it home in time for bed time with the girls, which was my big goal for the evening. Not long after they were in bed, so was I... trying to read The Triathlete's Training Bible, but falling asleep. After reading the same paragraph 5 times in between nodding off, I gave up and just went to sleep. This morning around 5 am came the thought that I am going to be racing in my TNT tri - my 1st Olympic distance tri - on Sunday! Then all the things I need to get done before then (including finding a place to board Doggie since I forgot all about what to do with the dog this weekend).... it's going to be busy!
Our coming weekend will be busy too. Saturday we leave at 6 am to meet up with the team caravan at 6:30 am. (I'm thinking I'm just going to put the girls in pullups - if I can get them to agree - and then put them in the car while they're sleeping in their pjs in the morning.) Then we drive to Miami and straight to packet pickup because it closes at 2 pm, then to the hotel to check in, then at 2:30 I have a light training session with the team. Then there's getting ready for the pasta dinner, meeting the teaam at 5:15 in the lobby, the dinner, then a team meeting in Coach Beth's room afterwards. Then getting the girls down to bed and going to sleep myself. Sunday I have to be up at 3:30 am so I can be in the lobby with the Team at 4 am and hopefully carpool with someone to the race. We have to then set up our transition area, get body marked, warm up, and be ready to race by 6:30... my wave is at 6:40 am. After the race, I have to turn in my time chip, check in at the TNT training tent, root for any team members finishing after me, then get packed up and ready for the celebration lunch. Mr. Darcy wants to leave after the celebration lunch instead of staying the rest of Sunday and Sunday night... something about not wanting to take another day off from work, and since he's my ride, that's what the plan is. He will drive and I will sleep. I can't imagine I'll be able to keep my eyes open too much into the drive. It will be a busy weekend for him too since he'll be in charge of the dynamic duo. He'll be tired too, I'm sure. Running after the ladybugs on your own isn't an easy task. Of course, I'll help to the extent I can, but with all we have on the schedule that might not be too much. They should be a hoot at the pasta party, though. : )
I've set my goals for the race too. They said that we should have ABCD goals, so that if things don't go according to plan, we at least accomplish one of our goals for the race. So here are mine: D) finish; C) finish in an upright position; B) finish in an upright position with a smile on my face; and A) finish in an upright position, with a smile on my face with a time of 3 1/2 hours or less. I know - very lofty, but for my 1st Olympic triathlon and literally the most physically intensive thing I've done in my life (other than perhaps a full term of carrying twins who were basically full size babies when born), I think I need to start small and gradually think bigger. I'm already thinking 70.3, so that's a start in that department.
I made my race week muffins this morning (for that slow carb build) and have a run practice this evening after work. Hopefully all will work nicely because I have to get the girls, hand them off to Mr. Darcy, run my 3 miles with the team, meet back up with Mr. Darcy to get the girls before he has to go to an evening meeting and then possibly back to work since he has a deadline this Friday. But, at least we got to relax this past weekend! (Thanks, Mom & Dad Darcy!) : )
We had a wonderful time this weekend in St. Pete for Lauren's wedding. It was the 1st trip we've taken without Angelfish & Ladybug since they were born, and while we missed them terribly, it was also very nice to have an uninterrupted conversation, not have people climbing all over you, and not having to chase people down and keep them from doing things they shouldn't do.
Saturday morning we packed and got ready for our trip and then headed out. But, due to Friday's swim I had to stop by Tri & Run to get a new pair of goggles and some body glide for the big race this coming Sunday. So we did that and had a leisurely lunch at a French restaurant before driving over to St. Pete. We checked in, napped, and arranged to have dinner with our friends Christine & Jon who were in town for the wedding also. We ended up eating at The Columbia at the St. Pete Pier, which just so happened to be the location for the swim leg of the St. Anthony's triathlon that Sunday.
I have the tri bug pretty badly. I couldn't help but watch the buoys bouncing around in the waves and think that I really hoped it calmed down for tomorrow's racers and feel that excitement that meant I wanted to race. (BTW, it never did calm down and in the 1st time in the tri's 26 year history, it cancelled the swim leg for everyone except for the professional triathletes.) Not to mention my checking out every bike racked on every car we passed to see what it looked like... and keeping my eye open for possible triathletes.
Dinner was a blast though, until the topic of mother's day arose. Mr. Darcy asked "when is Mother's Day?" while paying the bill. I laughed and said I wondered if that question was going to come up at some point soon, and told him that it was the weekend after next. Then I asked why... and he showed us the bill where it said "Make your Mother's Day reservations with us!" and said it was a good thing he paid the bill. But it was the next comment out of his mouth that upset me. The next words out of his mouth were "I don't have to buy you a present though because you're not MY mother." Being rather self controlled (it must have been the relaxing day), I merely responded that technically he did not have to buy me a present because I was not his mother, but that I was the mother of his children and that they can't drive and don't have a job so he'd have to buy a present from them. I couldn't help but think to myself, "Uh, no, I'm not your mother, but I only went through a lot to have your children and have done anything and everything that I can to nurture and raise them as well as I am able since they were conceived. But, no that's not worthy of honoring me as the mother of your children."
We talked about it calmly the next day, but as you can tell this topic still bothers me. He says that he understands my point of view and that he's sorry he hurt my feelings, but I'm not sure he gets why. Perhaps his father never bought his mother a card and present for Mother's Day? I cannot be certain, but I'm pretty sure that he does. Bill claims he can't remember it. So, as Mr. Darcy gets his way with most things (despite claiming that he does not - although I get my way a decent amount too), I told him that the manicure and pedicure I got that day with Lauren and Heather and Lauren's Auntie could be his present to me for Mother's Day so he only needs to get presents from the girls. I probably shot myself in the foot with that since that will probably only reinforce his notion that he doesn't have to do anything for me (other than from the girls) for Mother's Day since I am not his mother. I will get over it eventually, as with all things, but it's really bugging me at the moment.
But the time together and the wedding was wonderful. Lauren didn't have a bridal party, so Heather and I pitched in to help where we could - keeping the bride as happy as we could, and helping her step-daughter get ready when the hair and makeup was running late, and helping Lauren get ready herself. It was fun! The reception was great too... good food, good drinks, good company, and good music. Yesterday morning, we had a fun breakfast with Heather & Jeremy, Christine & Jon, and Lauren & Steve before setting out... and before Lauren & Steve decided to cancel their honeymoon to Mexico and go to San Juan instead. Wishes for a flu free honeymoon abound!
By the time we got home, we were completely exhausted. I had fun with the little ladies while Mr. Darcy and his Dad returned the tv Mr. Darcy decided he didn't want after the fiasco with Direct TV and while Mr. Darcy's Mom took a nap. Then I took a 10 minute nap after Mr. Darcy's Mom woke up, got ready for my swim practice and headed out. Swim practice was fun, although I was pretty slow in the pool yesterday... guess staying up to midnight and drinking a little too much at the wedding the night before isn't the best for encouraging fast swim times. But I have to say I love the wave pool we made to simulate race start was fun... including the swimming through it!
I made it home in time for bed time with the girls, which was my big goal for the evening. Not long after they were in bed, so was I... trying to read The Triathlete's Training Bible, but falling asleep. After reading the same paragraph 5 times in between nodding off, I gave up and just went to sleep. This morning around 5 am came the thought that I am going to be racing in my TNT tri - my 1st Olympic distance tri - on Sunday! Then all the things I need to get done before then (including finding a place to board Doggie since I forgot all about what to do with the dog this weekend).... it's going to be busy!
Our coming weekend will be busy too. Saturday we leave at 6 am to meet up with the team caravan at 6:30 am. (I'm thinking I'm just going to put the girls in pullups - if I can get them to agree - and then put them in the car while they're sleeping in their pjs in the morning.) Then we drive to Miami and straight to packet pickup because it closes at 2 pm, then to the hotel to check in, then at 2:30 I have a light training session with the team. Then there's getting ready for the pasta dinner, meeting the teaam at 5:15 in the lobby, the dinner, then a team meeting in Coach Beth's room afterwards. Then getting the girls down to bed and going to sleep myself. Sunday I have to be up at 3:30 am so I can be in the lobby with the Team at 4 am and hopefully carpool with someone to the race. We have to then set up our transition area, get body marked, warm up, and be ready to race by 6:30... my wave is at 6:40 am. After the race, I have to turn in my time chip, check in at the TNT training tent, root for any team members finishing after me, then get packed up and ready for the celebration lunch. Mr. Darcy wants to leave after the celebration lunch instead of staying the rest of Sunday and Sunday night... something about not wanting to take another day off from work, and since he's my ride, that's what the plan is. He will drive and I will sleep. I can't imagine I'll be able to keep my eyes open too much into the drive. It will be a busy weekend for him too since he'll be in charge of the dynamic duo. He'll be tired too, I'm sure. Running after the ladybugs on your own isn't an easy task. Of course, I'll help to the extent I can, but with all we have on the schedule that might not be too much. They should be a hoot at the pasta party, though. : )
I've set my goals for the race too. They said that we should have ABCD goals, so that if things don't go according to plan, we at least accomplish one of our goals for the race. So here are mine: D) finish; C) finish in an upright position; B) finish in an upright position with a smile on my face; and A) finish in an upright position, with a smile on my face with a time of 3 1/2 hours or less. I know - very lofty, but for my 1st Olympic triathlon and literally the most physically intensive thing I've done in my life (other than perhaps a full term of carrying twins who were basically full size babies when born), I think I need to start small and gradually think bigger. I'm already thinking 70.3, so that's a start in that department.
I made my race week muffins this morning (for that slow carb build) and have a run practice this evening after work. Hopefully all will work nicely because I have to get the girls, hand them off to Mr. Darcy, run my 3 miles with the team, meet back up with Mr. Darcy to get the girls before he has to go to an evening meeting and then possibly back to work since he has a deadline this Friday. But, at least we got to relax this past weekend! (Thanks, Mom & Dad Darcy!) : )
Monday, March 16, 2009
Balance and Acceptance
Where to start? My brain is running in circles at the moment, so I'm not sure where the beginning is. Basically a lot of what's in my brain has to do with guilt, body image, and trying to find balance in my life that works for everyone in my family.
Mr. Darcy wants to go out of town this weekend to see his parents, and so do I. They are sweet people who are kind and great to be around and our children love them very much. But, I also have my fundraiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society next Tuesday and need to get the word out to the general public because, well, I don't know anyone really and those that I do know, I've already talked to about the fundraiser and I'm going out of town for two days on a business trip. Finding the time to breathe, let alone get everything done is going to pose a bit of a problem. I am taking Friday off of work, but had dedicated that day to taking Angelfish to Disney or Sea World on a Mommy Daughter day like I did with Ladybug when she was home because of her skin infection. And if I don't do that this Friday, it won't be until May when I can do it. Plus she and I have already talked about it and she seems excited about it.
My original idea was to spend Saturday doing my workout (25 mile bike and then a 5 mile run) and then distribute fliers for the fundraiser. But, with our going out of town that doesn't work and we can't move our trip to next weekend because Bill is going out of town to go to his fraternity's initiation weekend in Gainesville. I feel like I need to do it so the fliers are around for the weekend at the shops to get as much interest as possible. I'm out of town for work Wednesday and Thursday so I can't do it then. Mr. Darcy's attitude is basically that I've done enough fundraising because I've raise more than the minimum required already and that my workouts are getting in the way of being able to go out of town and see his family, which I understand. But I also know that because of how he's acting about things that he is not going to want me to do Team in Training again any time soon (despite the fact that I would love to do it again in the Fall so I can do the Nation's Tri in DC and raise more money for cancer research, not to mention the great people I'm meeting and the great training too), so I feel like I have to do the best that I can with fundraising to make as much money possible for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It is though my wants do not meet with the needs of my family because I can't do what I need to without interfering with the time with the girls and Mr. Darcy's free time. Finding balance is sometimes difficult.
So, I've come up with an idea. I will have the fliers all printed and ready and on Friday I will put them at specific locations at Waterford Lakes in the hopes that it will bring more people in. Whether this is going to be during the day will depend on how long Angelfish wants to spend wherever we go. If I have the time, I will do it Friday afternoon. If I do not, we will pack the girls up along with our stuff and hit Waterford Lakes before we leave town. Mr. Darcy will play with the girls at Chick-fil-a and feed them dinner. I will distribute fliers and then we'll leave. The next morning I will get up with the sun and do my 25 mile bike and 5 mile run, which hopefully Mr. Darcy will join me on.
And then there's the guilt that is associated with everything that is going on because I'm not here 100% of the time like I used to be. But at the same time, I need to be able to do things too although I feel like I'm breaking the "rules" associated with being a mother and a wife because I'm not supposed to put myself first like I have been and every time I'm not at home for the girls to go to bed or when they wake up on a Saturday because I'm at a practice or a meeting that I'm somehow being a bad mother simply because I am not there and because Mr. Darcy has to do it himself. But then I think to myself why is it that I have to be there all the time... and then the thought comes to me of what MR. Darcy said to me when we got into an argument about how he never shows an inkling of an interest in helping plan the meals for the week or doing the grocery shopping and he said to me that this is just how it is. Men don't do these things because they're not interested in them and they don't care about them, so I have to do it basically because I'm the wife and Mom and I want my kids to eat healthier foods. Like the mice in the movie Babe say, "the way things are." It sucks being the Mom sometimes. You love your children and would never trade them, but it seems like you have to trade yourself in the bargain. I almost feel like it's a cruel trick. I've found something I love to do - training and competing in triathlons and even better being able to do something to help those with cancer while doing it - and yet I feel like I'm becoming a bad wife and mother because of it and because of that like I'm supposed to give it up. But I don't want to give it up. It's good for me - mentally and physically - and I shouldn't have to give it up. I don't know that Bill is asking that of me either, but its just this feeling that I get whenever stuff like this comes up. I don't know that it comes from him either. It may come from my brain and what I think is expected of me, but it doesn't hurt any less.
And then there's my body image issue that I'm dealing with a lot lately too. I train pretty hard each week, and I'm eating healthy and am eating what I'm told is 500 calories under what I should eat each day, and I'm trying to eat in the balance I've been told is important for triathlon training, and I look at myself and I just see a big fat blob of a person. Triathlon clothing isn't exactly helpful either because well, it's skin tight because you have to be able to swim, bike and run in it. On top of it, the clothes I own don't really fit right. They're either too big or too small. When you have twins your body changes a lot, and when you have PCOS that makes it hard for you to lose weight (even while on medicine for it) that makes it even harder. And then you see women who have children, granted not necessarily twins, who look as though they did before ever having children, and you can't figure out how to get any thinner than you are despite all you're doing it makes you a bit self conscious. I want to look nice, but I don't feel like I deserve to spend the money on clothes because I can't get myself any thinner and I feel like it's taking money away from things I could buy for the girls or our family. And I'm sure people just think - well push away from the table more. But, for me, it's not about that. I actually hate to eat because I worry that every bite is going to make me fatter and when I do indulge in something I like (like ice cream) I feel guilty and fat for days afterwards. And before the triathlon training showed me how much I need to eat, I was actually eating less than 1200 calories on most days.
So I'm working on balance and accepting myself for who I am and trying to figure out how to be a good wife, a good mother and still find a way to let myself enjoy things in life that aren't related to anyone but my own interests. People always say that no one is happy if Mom isn't happy, but I don't know that is true. It seems like everyone in the family tends to be happy when Mom takes care of everyone and put themselves last. But that's not quite fair to Mom. Balance and acceptance. I wish it was easier. Today is just a tough day.
Mr. Darcy wants to go out of town this weekend to see his parents, and so do I. They are sweet people who are kind and great to be around and our children love them very much. But, I also have my fundraiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society next Tuesday and need to get the word out to the general public because, well, I don't know anyone really and those that I do know, I've already talked to about the fundraiser and I'm going out of town for two days on a business trip. Finding the time to breathe, let alone get everything done is going to pose a bit of a problem. I am taking Friday off of work, but had dedicated that day to taking Angelfish to Disney or Sea World on a Mommy Daughter day like I did with Ladybug when she was home because of her skin infection. And if I don't do that this Friday, it won't be until May when I can do it. Plus she and I have already talked about it and she seems excited about it.
My original idea was to spend Saturday doing my workout (25 mile bike and then a 5 mile run) and then distribute fliers for the fundraiser. But, with our going out of town that doesn't work and we can't move our trip to next weekend because Bill is going out of town to go to his fraternity's initiation weekend in Gainesville. I feel like I need to do it so the fliers are around for the weekend at the shops to get as much interest as possible. I'm out of town for work Wednesday and Thursday so I can't do it then. Mr. Darcy's attitude is basically that I've done enough fundraising because I've raise more than the minimum required already and that my workouts are getting in the way of being able to go out of town and see his family, which I understand. But I also know that because of how he's acting about things that he is not going to want me to do Team in Training again any time soon (despite the fact that I would love to do it again in the Fall so I can do the Nation's Tri in DC and raise more money for cancer research, not to mention the great people I'm meeting and the great training too), so I feel like I have to do the best that I can with fundraising to make as much money possible for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It is though my wants do not meet with the needs of my family because I can't do what I need to without interfering with the time with the girls and Mr. Darcy's free time. Finding balance is sometimes difficult.
So, I've come up with an idea. I will have the fliers all printed and ready and on Friday I will put them at specific locations at Waterford Lakes in the hopes that it will bring more people in. Whether this is going to be during the day will depend on how long Angelfish wants to spend wherever we go. If I have the time, I will do it Friday afternoon. If I do not, we will pack the girls up along with our stuff and hit Waterford Lakes before we leave town. Mr. Darcy will play with the girls at Chick-fil-a and feed them dinner. I will distribute fliers and then we'll leave. The next morning I will get up with the sun and do my 25 mile bike and 5 mile run, which hopefully Mr. Darcy will join me on.
And then there's the guilt that is associated with everything that is going on because I'm not here 100% of the time like I used to be. But at the same time, I need to be able to do things too although I feel like I'm breaking the "rules" associated with being a mother and a wife because I'm not supposed to put myself first like I have been and every time I'm not at home for the girls to go to bed or when they wake up on a Saturday because I'm at a practice or a meeting that I'm somehow being a bad mother simply because I am not there and because Mr. Darcy has to do it himself. But then I think to myself why is it that I have to be there all the time... and then the thought comes to me of what MR. Darcy said to me when we got into an argument about how he never shows an inkling of an interest in helping plan the meals for the week or doing the grocery shopping and he said to me that this is just how it is. Men don't do these things because they're not interested in them and they don't care about them, so I have to do it basically because I'm the wife and Mom and I want my kids to eat healthier foods. Like the mice in the movie Babe say, "the way things are." It sucks being the Mom sometimes. You love your children and would never trade them, but it seems like you have to trade yourself in the bargain. I almost feel like it's a cruel trick. I've found something I love to do - training and competing in triathlons and even better being able to do something to help those with cancer while doing it - and yet I feel like I'm becoming a bad wife and mother because of it and because of that like I'm supposed to give it up. But I don't want to give it up. It's good for me - mentally and physically - and I shouldn't have to give it up. I don't know that Bill is asking that of me either, but its just this feeling that I get whenever stuff like this comes up. I don't know that it comes from him either. It may come from my brain and what I think is expected of me, but it doesn't hurt any less.
And then there's my body image issue that I'm dealing with a lot lately too. I train pretty hard each week, and I'm eating healthy and am eating what I'm told is 500 calories under what I should eat each day, and I'm trying to eat in the balance I've been told is important for triathlon training, and I look at myself and I just see a big fat blob of a person. Triathlon clothing isn't exactly helpful either because well, it's skin tight because you have to be able to swim, bike and run in it. On top of it, the clothes I own don't really fit right. They're either too big or too small. When you have twins your body changes a lot, and when you have PCOS that makes it hard for you to lose weight (even while on medicine for it) that makes it even harder. And then you see women who have children, granted not necessarily twins, who look as though they did before ever having children, and you can't figure out how to get any thinner than you are despite all you're doing it makes you a bit self conscious. I want to look nice, but I don't feel like I deserve to spend the money on clothes because I can't get myself any thinner and I feel like it's taking money away from things I could buy for the girls or our family. And I'm sure people just think - well push away from the table more. But, for me, it's not about that. I actually hate to eat because I worry that every bite is going to make me fatter and when I do indulge in something I like (like ice cream) I feel guilty and fat for days afterwards. And before the triathlon training showed me how much I need to eat, I was actually eating less than 1200 calories on most days.
So I'm working on balance and accepting myself for who I am and trying to figure out how to be a good wife, a good mother and still find a way to let myself enjoy things in life that aren't related to anyone but my own interests. People always say that no one is happy if Mom isn't happy, but I don't know that is true. It seems like everyone in the family tends to be happy when Mom takes care of everyone and put themselves last. But that's not quite fair to Mom. Balance and acceptance. I wish it was easier. Today is just a tough day.
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