Yesterday was not a very good day. I woke up on edge and ate a cookie and chips during the day as comfort food. Not only did I wake up early and on edge, but my laptop got a computer virus that I tried to fix per symantec's instructions and it ended up locking me out. I dealt with someone who was not very competent and I literally had to demand that he open a support ticket so that I could get someone who did know what they were doing to help me, and then I ended up having to send out the laptop anyway.
Even my run wasn't that great. My calf was killing me the entire time and my leg was so tight that I couldn't go nearly as fast as I wanted to and just had to sort of plod through the running ladder (400m run, 400 recovery; 800 run, 400 recover; 1200 run, 400 recovery; 800 run, 400 recovery; 400m run, 400 recovery). But I got it done... eventually. I felt a little better after the run, but only for a little bit. Then it was back to being on edge, and then being weepy about the fact that I was on edge and was sick of feeling that way.
I talked to my friend M about it though. She told me that if I didn't have thyroid issues she'd be shocked. M has thyroid "issues" after having her thyroid removed because of cancer. She told me that I was okay when you have these nutty days because this is what having a messed up thyroid is like. I literally thought to myself, "Dear Lord, let the tests show that I have a messed up thyroid because if I don't, what the heck is wrong with me?"
Well, this morning I went to the endocrinologist for my follow up. It turns out that my cortisol is actually okay and that its elevation is because of being on birth control pills. So nothing to worry about there. I don't appear to have Hashimoto's based on the thyroid testing, but the doctor says that she thinks my thyroid is starting to fail because it tested at 4.27 (which for that lab was border line normal on the slow end, but at most other labs would be abnormal) and the fact that it tested at 2.7, 3.5, 2.9, and then 4.27 and in the past few weeks my symptoms have been worse tells her that it's starting to sputter essentially. She also told me that my depression symptoms are also normal for someone with thyroid problems. And my B12 level was low, which can also produce very similar symptoms. I told her about getting upset and being on edge and then weeping for seemingly no reason, and she said that it's normal when you have thyroid issues to have those issues too.
So tomorrow I will take my 1st 25 mcg of synthroid and add a 1,000 mcg of B12 into the mix of B vitamins and such that I already take. (I take B Complex, which includes B12 already and she wanted me to have B12 shots, but I talked her into trying the vitamins first - I don't really like needles.) She told me that the thyroid medicine might not cure all my depression like symptoms, but to give it 2-3 weeks and if I didn't feel better then to see a counselor. She told me that for some people the thyroid medicine helps the depresion symptoms alot and for others it only helps some. We'll be retesting my thyroid and B12 and Vitamin D (which she somewhere didn't get results for) in 6 weeks, and I go for a follow up to see how the synthroid dosage is working (and to see if the vitamins will do the trick or if I have to switch to B12 shots).
Just knowing that all this is because of my thyroid seems like a relief. Having this nice doctor explain to me that while I'm not normal because I have a thyroid problem but that I am normal in the symptoms of that thyroid problem made me feel a lot better. I'm still tired and my skin is flaking, and all that hasn't changed, but it's almost a sense of relief in a way. I wasn't nuts - I was right. There was something wrong with me, and it wasn't all in my head. And if I'm "crazy," it's because of the thyroid issue not just being randomly "crazy."
Of course, I started the day with the discovery that the tire Mr. Darcy had patched for me yesterday was half flat - when I was leaving for the doctors office and had no time to take care of it just then. So I had driven hoping all would go okay for 26.5 miles to the doctor's office. (Yes, I'll drive almost anywhere for a good doctor...) After the doctor's office, I headed to the tire shop... except when I glanced at the receipt Mr. Darcy had left in the car, I misread it and went to the tire shop next door (there are 3 on the road leading to my neighborhood). But they were really nice there. They don't charge for patching tires, so I stayed right there to discover that 1) there was a hole in the side wall of the tire, which means that you can't patch it and 2) it looked like the other shop had left one of the nails in a different hole that they patched. So, they gave me options: a) put the spare on and wait to talk to Mr. Darcy; b) replace the one tire (which my Dad always told me you should replace the other tire on the same axle if they were both pretty evenly worn but not if they were new of course); c) replace the 2 tires on the same axle; or d) replace all the tires.
I personally liked a salesperson that was willing to put a spare on and send me on my way to talk to my husband. But, I decided to look at the prices of the tires, etc. And opted to replace the 2 tires on the same axle. But they were good and technically replaced the front right tire instead of the back right tire because it was the worst worn of the tires. They simple rotated the back right tire to the now empty front wheel, and put the new tires on the back wheels. It wasn't cheap, but they were the original tires on the car and we're at 48,087 miles as of this morning... so they were going to need to be replaced in a few months anyway. So, now we'll only have to replace 2 tires in a few months time. Kind of lessen the blow... or draw out the financial pain, I'm not sure which. But once the tire was taken care of, it was off to work.
And now that work is over for the day, I'll pick up the little ladies from daycare, have them help me pack for their weekend trip to Grammie and Papa's house, order a pizza for dinner (because we know how healthy that is, but I've decided that I don't feel like cooking steak since Mr. Darcy has to work late for a deadline and there's not much else in the house), play with the girls, finish putting away that laundry that I folded all those days agon, put the girls to bed, pack me and perhaps even Mr. Darcy for this weekend, straighten the house (including my office - it looks like a paper bomb went off in there) and hopefully get to bed at a decent hour. I already filed the taxes the other day (yay, refund - it can pay for our tires and trip to NJ... how I had wished it would get to grow in the savings account, but no such luck).
Tommorow the plan is to wake up early and do my brick (25 mile bike and 5 mile run) and get home before Mr. Darcy leaves for his eye appointment. Make sure the car is packed and all is set at the house and as soon as Mr. Darcy is home from his eye appointment, head out for the Darcy Seniors' and then on to Newark Airport... as my Dad likes to say about Newark - it's the armpit of New Jersey. But, we'll hopefully get to see the Anhaiser Bush plant with the eagle that flaps it's wings as we leave the airport... although I think we may miss it since we're going to Montville instead of Clifton. Let's just hope for no delayed flights and no more flooding while we're there.
It's been a little under 2 weeks since my Aunt's passing, and yet it seems both like so long ago and like a bad dream. Life, especially mine, is a bit strange and a bit wonderful all rolled into one.
I'll let you know how it all goes upon my return....