A Run, Southern by Affiliation, Life Goes On

A Run.
After helping the little ladies get up and somewhat ready for school, I went for my 6 mile run. (Quick aside: while getting ready, Ladybug wrote her little boyfriend a note since he's no longer in her daycare classroom. She said it read: "I love Zachary very much." Absolutely adorable.) There's something afoot (hahaha) because the past few runs I've done, I hit the end of the 1st mile and my left leg muscles go nuts. Mainly starting in the arch of my foot going up around my ankle and then up the back of my calf, it's like the muscles are tightening - not in a cramp - but to the point of major pain. Coach says she noticed that my stride has changed so I probably need to get my stride looked at again to make sure I've got the right running shoes, especially since I have all my back issues to begin with. Who needs unnecessary pain, right?

As I've decided that I will most likely be in pain of some sort while running during the 70.3, so I've been trying to force myself to run through it until it goes away. Well, it must be obvious to others that I'm in pain while this is going on because today a few minutes after the pain started to subside letting me run faster (the pain seriously impedes my running pace), Little Miss Speedy Pants sprints by me and says "Good job! Way to run through the pain!" While I know this perfect stranger was trying to be encouraging, the fact that she was leaving me in the dust as she said it gave me the incredible urge to hit her. I don't generally get the urge to hit people, but I was not in my happy place (no, I didn't act on it).

Luckily, the pain eased up. The rest of mile 3, and miles 4 and 5 were pretty good. I was speeding up, and then mile 6, I was booking it. I'm not sure how fast I was going but I was clicking along to the point that it seemed like it was the shortest mile I'd ever run. I must have been doing alright because including the 0.2 that I walked because of drinking and eating nutrition (still working on the camelbak mold issue), and the snail's pace when my leg was evil (at one point I think my shadow might have been running faster than I was), my overall pace for the 6 miles was 12:25. I'd love to get my average pace to a consistent 11 minute mile, but with pain involved I will take what my body will let me do!

Run completed, completely drenched but feeling good. Feeling like I could run farther. I have to say I love that feeling at the end of a run, feeling like I could keep on going if I wanted to.

Southern by Affiliation.
I've come to the realization that I am Southern by Affiliation. I was born in DC, raised in Maryland and Florida (where Southerners like to say that Florida is so far South it's North again because of all of the Northern transplants). I am decidedly not Southern by birth. But, when you lived 10 years in Atlanta, one of my best friends from Atlanta is a bit of a Southern Belle (who I am going to call Belle in this blog), and my dear friend Angela was Southern incarnate from her roots (and the return to her roots) in Arkansas, I guess these things rub off on you. It's not necessarily a bad thing, either. There are certain things you do or do not do, unless you wish to be labelled for life as "the one who... back in 1984" or even worse, they start looking for "Yankees" in your family tree.

One of these things for Belle that has completely rubbed off on me is the fact that when you go somewhere that you will meet people, you should look good. This doesn't mean that I've fully embraced the concept of wearing makeup to the grocery and I certainly do not wear it while training for my triathlons, but there are times and places where I have learned it unforgiveable not to look good. Functions at your husband's work - even if they are outdoor volleball games - are ones that come to mind. Costco is another. Sounds funny, but the number of people we run into that Mr. Darcy knows either through work or one of his associations is amazing. Then there's the obvious ones - parties (even for toddlers), church, eating out, and especially meetings with other women.

It's a little known fact that while women do dress for their men, really women dress for other women. Remember, you never want to make that list of "she's the one that.... back in 1999." So when I went to the Junior League Provisional Retreat on Saturday, I made sure I looked good. Nice outfit, make up done nicely, toenails painted, hair done. The shock of it all when there were people in knock around shorts and no makeup! I had a nice little laugh to myself about it later. Belle transformed me by refusing to leave the house with me until I at least put on lipstick and some powder, helping me shop for clothes for various occasions, and leading by example. I never realized my Southerness by Affiliation until I lived outside of the South again. I may not wear full make up to the grocery, but I atleast wear nice shorts and a nice shirt. No holes, stains or cut offs, thank yee. If I'm going to be in a room full of women, I will dress nicely, be sure to wear cute shoes, accessorize the best I can, and do my hair and makeup. And realize that when I think to myself "Good Lord, where is that woman's makeup? Doesn't she know where she is?" that Belle and I are now closer in Southerness than I ever thought before.

The other way this came up was last night, I opened my Southern Living magazine excited to find all the Fall receipes and places to go to see the changing of the leaves, etc. Not that I cook many of the receipes, plant as directed, or even make my table tops look like a picture out of Southern Living... but I sure like to read about the possibilities. Well, I forgot that they change some of the content based on where you live. Florida doesn't have a lot of leave changing, cooling of the weather, and other fun that other Southern States enjoy. We have football, sweltering hot games played in the sun, but that is about Fall like as Florida gets. So some of my Fall reading was diminshed and I thought, "Well, bless their hearts. Florida fall is just like summer." Now there's something that non-Southerners need to know. "Bless Your Heart" does not mean something nearly as sweet as it sounds... it means more along the lines of "you're so stupid" Southerners just say it nicer.

So, it would seem I am Southern by Affiliation and only realizing it now that I no longer truly live in the South. Southerners don't buy liquor on Sundays at the store, you get it at the bar!

Life Goes On.
After my meltdown yesterday about well, everything, I realized that my life is good and that come what may, I have it good and life goes on. I realized that we all have things that can make our life miserable if we let it. The trick is not to let it. Yes, things stink at times. We have heartaches, like losing loved ones, that never really go away. We might not like the size of our waist or that scar we've had since we were 10. But in the end, life is good. The trick to happiness is not to keep looking for it, but to realize you're living it right now. How many times do we look back at something that seemed "horrible" at the time and realize that life was good and we were happy despite it all? Life is not easy. We go through things that are horrible, but always mixed in with the horrible are the good.

So, Life goes on and I am choosing to be happy. Here are a few pictures of what makes me happy...

How cute are the little ladies' soccer stuff?

I love that the girls like to put their lovies in time out...

And that Mr. Darcy likes to take pictures of all of his ladies...

That Angelfish loves this backpack and thinks everyone, including Sleeping Beauty, want to know what's inside....

I just love getting to have these 3 people in my life!

I didn't wanna, but I did and I'm glad.

Yup. The title pretty much sums it up. I woke this morning and thought to myself that I REALLY did not want to get up and run 6 miles today. I just didn't feel like it. But I put on my running clothes and my HR monitor and went to get my camelbak.

For some reason I decided to pull the entire bladder out of the camelbak and thank goodness I did because well, I evidently haven't been cleaning it well enough with soap and water because I found a disgusting mess of mold. I wiped as much as I could out and then went online and purchased the lovely kit that I should have bought when I got the camelbak to begin with, but was trying to economize. I got extra cleaning tablets too.

Obviously, I did not use the camelbak today. No. It worries me enough to think of how long that mold has been in there and that I've been drinking out of it. But, I'm not sick so I'm just glad my immune system has been a good one. And we'll leave it at that. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any water bottles either. So, I'll be stocking up on cheapie ones in the near future.

But, I decided to attempt to hydrate well and just head out. The girls were awesome little angels this morning, loving on their Mommy, getting dressed so nicely for school, and wandering out to the car with Daddy. We chatted while Mr. Darcy went back and forth to get things he forgot our of the house, I gave them kisses and hugs and off they went.

I had no excuse at this point. So I headed out on my run. My left leg muscles were tight as a drum and hurting but I decided to ignore them. I figured I was out there, I needed to get my run in not a walk. I told myself as I ran that I would probably have hurting muscles on race day and that I needed to just get over it. By mile 2, my leg was still hurting pretty badly so I told myself that if I had to when I got to mile 4, I could stretch and walk a little. I also told myself that if I could bike 51 miles and run 3.2 afterwards, that I could do a measly 6 mile run without walking.

Amazingly, I did. By mile 4 I was feeling good. My leg finally had worked its issues out and didn't hurt anymore (or at least my brain was ignoring it if it did). My lungs were feeling great. I didn't feel over tired at all. I just was jogging along. My HR was even really good. This is a recovery week and my 6 mile run was supposed to be at an easy pace, so my goal was to jog keeping my HR in zone 2 and to just keep moving while running. It was awesome. At one point in mile 5 I looked down at my HR monitor and saw that I was running with a HR of 149. Unheard of for me. Only a few months ago it was all I could do to run 4 miles with a HR of 158. And mind you, I hadn't had anything to drink during the run either although I enjoyed a refreshing, but short lived, rain shower toward the end of mile 4.

Of course, I figured I was probably going at a snails pace. Especially since I slowed myself down the few times I did hear my watch beeping because I had hit 159. Imagine my surprise when I got home and discovered that I did my 6.1 miles in 1:15:36. A 12:24 pace! For me, this is quite good. I know that some people would be done with a half marathon in that time, and would probably cry at a 12:24 pace. But for me, this is quite something. Not only was it 12:24, but I felt good at the end. Not super tired. Like I could have gone farther.

That's something I talked about with Training Buddy the other day as we crossed over into mile 46 of the bike and were officially on the longest bike ride of our lives. Last September, I couldn't run 2 minutes straight without wishing it were over. By the time I met Training Buddy at Team in Training, I could run 1 mile without stopping but it was hard and it was not fun and I pretty much wanted to stop afterwards. Biking 25 miles seemed like a pipe dream and we worried that we'd even be able to get it done for our event... let alone the 6 mile run at the end. Swimming wasn't so terrible for me, but I still wasn't nearly as good or as fast as I am now. All these miles of training later, here we are today, able to do so much more sometimes because we convinced ourselves that we had gone x miles already somehow we could go 1 more mile to the end. Not to mention Coach sticking to us and giving us our weekly plans so we wouldn't freak out when we saw what she had in store for us a few weeks into the future. Planning to finish a 70.3 Half IronMan.

For me, it will be almost exactly 1 year and 1 week from the day I decided to do a triathlon. I'm pretty sure no one thought I would stick with it. My father-in-law has told me that he didn't think I'd stick with it. I remember discussing signing up with Team in Training and telling Mr. Darcy how long the olympic distance race would be and him saying "Do you know how long that is? Just for the bike, that's a little farther than riding to my work and back from here." My parents never have said much about it, although my Dad once said he thought that maybe I was overworking my system. I like beating the odds. I love triathlon, even if I continuously have to explain to people that it's more than just running.

Ever see the movie Kung Fu Panda? It's like the scene where the Panda (strapped to a chair covered in fireworks that he's lit, trying to get over the wall to see the martial arts masters) confesses to his father that he didn't have a noodle dream that he "loves kung foooooo." Maybe I'm crazy but I love triathlon enough to make myself go on a day that I really don't want to go. I know I'll thank myself later... sometimes not only on race day, but while I'm out there getting it done.

Basically, there are days when I didn't wanna, but I do, and I end up glad. Sometimes, I even surprise myself on those days with how well it turns out too. Perhaps triathlon is a bit like life that way.

Race Report: Not so Bad, Considering...

This Race Report is subtitled: Not so Bad, considering I crashed my bike and had a flat tire.


But, to leave you in suspense (haha) we'll do Mr. Darcy's 1st ever Triathlon race report first. I have not obtained permission to disclose times, so I'll just give you an overview.

Mr. Darcy's 1st Triathlon
When I saw Mr. Darcy at the finish, I asked how did you like it? And he replied: I hated it and I'm never doing one again. After time has passed a little, he has revised this statement to: I didn't enjoy it but I might do one again if I train for it. (He did little preparatory training for this one.)

Mr. Darcy says that he has a new found appreciation for what I do as a triathlete and why I train like I do. He said I was amazing and that I'm crazy for wanting to do the 70.3 which is 4x what he did Saturday, which made me laugh.

The swim: Mr. Darcy swam for about 30 yards and then did the backstroke for the rest of the 400 m. Safe to say he was not the first man out of the water that morning.

The bike: Mr. Darcy said he enjoyed the bike but that he was not fast and I quote "passed 3 people: 1 woman who was very short and looked like that was why she was having a hard time on the bike, 1 man on a beach cruiser, and 1 man on a fat tire hybrid like me."

The run: to quote Mr. Darcy, "I don't know why anyone would ever say they like to run."

But the girls and I had a great time cheering him down to the finish line and give him hugs afterwards. I must say I'm very proud of Mr. Darcy who didn't train for this event (other than about 3 runs and 3 bike rides and 1 trip to the pool) but still was able to pull things together to finish. When we got home, he slept most of the afternoon and then let my friend Anna and I go to a movie while he put the girls down to bed. (We saw "Public Enemies" - very good movie. Great acting!)

TriMommy's Race Report

Now for my race report. Overall my time was 3:36:55.05. So I didn't make my A or B goals, but I came rather close to the B goal... and the fact that I had a bike crash I think is justification for such a situation. I still consider it quite a successful race, which is somewhat ironic because my ultimate nightmare came true - I was dead last out of EVERYBODY. So here's what happened.

Pre-race
I woke up with that awful on edge feeling. The feeling I get when something not so good is going to happen to someone I know - either me or someone else. When I get this feeling, I am 99% right about something happening. I just am not psychic enough to know what "it" is. I even questioned if I should go to the race and then told myself I was silly, but spent the entire ride saying the rosary and hoping that no one would get hurt and that I would still be around for my children at the end of the race. To say I was nervous and jittery was an understatement. I could barely eat my breakfast it was that bad.... but somehow I kept it down. When I got to the race I found out my coach had a migraine and couldn't race and that another team member had a blood infection and wasn't allowed to race either. I thought, that must have been what I knew and had me nervous. Little did I know.

Swim (0.93 miles, 31:09.167)
A good swim, but not the best of my life. I still have troubles with swimming in the pack. This time I got kicked in the eye (thank God for goggles) toward the start which gave me some pause for the swim. But then I got into my rhythm right as I rounded the 3rd buoy in the first lap of the lake, and it seemed to go better. I still hate not being able to see at all in the water at Moss Park, but I didn't panic this time which is an improvement. I also need to work on sighting when I'm in a throng of swimmers... I end up doing the breast stroke instead of my normal way of sighting and I'm certain this makes me a little slower. Overall, I was relatively happy with the time but think I could have gone faster.

T0 (run from the water to the transition area, 2:29.737)
I was discombobulated when I got out of the water and ran through the sand instead of my plan to get to the pine needles as fast as possible. Oh well. I got there and was hitting a good running stride once I got to the asphalt in the parking lot.

T1 (2:10.665)
Definitely needed to be faster, and even felt slow in the transition area. I had a terrible time with my socks which decided to get stuck on my toes twice before I could get them on. Life goes on.

Bike (with crash and terribly long tire change after the crash, 1:40:39.84)
Normally I would be horrified at my time. In reality, I'm thrilled with it. I was having a great ride during the first loop. The slowest I saw on my bike computer was 16.1 mph and I was hitting 18 mph at times. For me, this is a good ride. And then, I'm on the last loop before the 2nd lap. I'm doing great. Going 18 mph and only been passed by 2 people (who were not in my age group anyway). And then. It's really hard to peddle the bike all of a sudden and I look at my bike computer and see the mph dropping like mad while I'm peddling the heck out of my legs and it dawns on me - I have a flat tire. But I'm coming up on a turn and there are people who are now coming up on me because I'm slowing down because of the flat. I decided I would make the turn and pull over since it would be too dangerous to just stop right there.

I should have stopped. I took the corner pedaling, hit gravel and the bike (and I) hit the pavement and skidded about 3 feet. Doesn't sound far but it's far enough to sustain shoulder to just past the forearm road rash, a road rash like bruise under my arm and on my side (it was under my tri-top), a skinned and bruised knee, a 4 inch road rash down the side of my right leg, a bruise and road rash that is about 3 inches in diameter (and circular) on the outside of my upper right leg, a bruise on my butt, and bruises and cuts on the inside of my left leg where the bike pedal cut me as I fell. I let out a scream that I didn't realize was coming from me as I skidded and my 1st thought was "this was what was going to happen" and my 2nd thought was "pick your head up so your face doesn't get mangled. " Not pretty. It looks like my bike only got scraped up on the right side handle bars - the tape got ripped up and the bar underneath has some grooves etched into it. (I'll know more today. I took her to the bike shop right after I left the race.) The rest of the cyclists were able to avoid me so no one else went down. At first my right foot felt really wierd like I might have broken it and then it was fine and I was able to walk on it. So I got up and looked at my bike.

And yes, my tire was flat. Luckily, I crashed at the turn right before the end of the 1st loop - right in front of a race official and a police officer. Police officer Curtis was awesome. He came over to see if I was okay and when he saw that my hands were shaking like mad as I tried to change my tire and I couldn't get anywhere because my mind was shaking too, he took my tire and tried to change it for me. He's not in the habit of changing bike tires so after a minute of my calming down we did the change together... and the race official, other than joking that we were not the pit crew at the Daytona 500, didn't penalize me. I introduced myself to both of them and thanked them for their help even though we weren't finished with the tire change. They were awesome. At one point when we were having so much trouble I said "maybe I should just call it a day." Police Officer Curtis told me "don't quit. You were doing great. You can do it." The race official shouted over "Kate, don't quit. You can do this."

And so, after all was finally right with the tire and we got the chain to get back on to the gears with the derailleur, I decided to finish. I was last and I didn't care. Ok, I cared a little, but I realized that it was out of my control that I was last. It was what it was, and I was going to finish. Yes, I got beat by the guy who was morbidly obese but was out there doing it. I cheered him on as I passed him going into the turn around (he was on the 2nd lap already, I was finishing my first because I just got back on the bike), and he shouted back "I feel like dying." I told him he was doing great and that he could finish. I hope he did.

The course officials tried to wave me into transition and I told them I had another lap. They looked at me like are you sure? So I told them I had crashed, and they said "ok. Go again." So I turned around and kept going. I was slower because I hurt, but I still was at the slowest 15.7 mph and the highest around 18.0. But I got it done. Unfortunately, toward the end something in my ribs seized up and I couldn't tell if it was my ribs themselves or some sort of cramp because it was in my rib cage not under it.... I'd never had that before.

T2 (3:46.806 - much too slow, but understandable in the circumstances)
So I asked if there was a medic tent when I dismounted, and cried. I wasn't crying because of the pain but because I didn't want to DNF. I didn't want to stop. I hated being last.

When I got into transition, people were packing up their stuff to go home. Luckily for me, Josie C. (my friend Ryan's wife, who was watching and who I think is awesome) and 2 guys in my row were there packing up their stuff. Josie came in and asked me what I needed and talked me through it all. She told me I could do it. The guys realized that I was the one who crashed (remember, pretty much everyone passed me on either their 1st or 2nd lap while I was crashed and trying to deal with my bike) and told me that if I had been able to finish the bike, I could do the run. And I believed them and said, "quitting is not an option and if worse comes to worse and I have to stop, I can stop on the run."

Run (5.6 miles, 1:16:39.596 - slow, but understandable in the circumstances)
So off I went. I hobbled a few feet and then walked a bit. I got some water and drank it down. Threw my bike gloves that I forgot to take off to Josie and her boys for safe keeping, and wandered past. Then I decided to try to run and I did a little. Slowly of course. I caught up to my friend Ryan who was on his 2nd lap. So I ran some with him and walked some when the muscle in my leg would cease up on me from the crash, and then ran some more. I lost him at one point when he was approaching the finish, but my leg was too ceased up right then to run to catch up.

I got to the start of the 2nd loop and the race officials tried to send me down the shoot. I told them I had a 2nd lap. They said "WHAT?" And at that point with my leg in pain and my goals for the day shot to heck, I said "I crashed my bike and had a flat tire, and I'm gonna finish this damn race. What do you want from me?" At which point the guy suggested I try to run a little, and I told him I would once my muscle in my leg stopped ceasing up. Hello? I crashed my bike and was covered in dirt and road rash on one side of my body. You can't see that? And you want to give me a hard time because I'm LAST? As I passed the opening to the finish line I heard over the PA "in about 3 minutes we're going to do the awards ceremony." So I put my HR monitor up to the front so it would show me the time and I had been out there just under 3 hours. There was hope for at least more than my E goal and I decided I was going to do my best to come close to my B goal if I could.

Not long after that I got a cup of water from the last station and the ladies there (including some racers) cheered me on and I heard one say to the other, "that woman crashed her bike. I can't believe she's still out here. That's awesome." I wish I knew her name and address so I could send her a thank you note. I needed to hear that right then, and a few minutes later when my leg relaxed again, I ran. I ran 3/4 of the last 2.8 miles. I had to walk some because my leg muscle kept ceasing up, but the one thing I realized during it all was that other than being in pain from the fall and from sweat stinging my open wounds I felt good. My lungs felt good. My left leg felt good, and if I hadn't had such a problem with the crash and the pain afterward, I would have been able to run way more than I was - if not all of it.

As I was coming up on the 2 mile marker for the 2nd lap, a very nice guy named Rick came running up and asked me if I was Kate. I said yes, and he said Brandi (a team mate of mine) sent him out to look for me because she was worried about me. She had seen me crash and then heard that I was determined to finish. He ran and walked with me and chatted and was wonderful. I teased him and called him my sherpa because he took my gu arm band that was falling off and my camelback which was pretty much empty. Brandi found us and asked if I wanted to run it in. I told her I wanted to run it when we hit the turn for the finish but I needed to walk some because my leg was ceased up. When we hit the turn for the finish they ran with me the whole way and there were race officials cheering me on. (I had chatted with some of them along my way and they all knew I had crashed but was wanting to finish.) Z, the guy in charge of the race, was cheering me on because they told him about me and he gave me a high 5. Josie, Ryan and their kids were there cheering for me. I love each and everyone of those people who helped me finish with their belief that I could do it. They rock!

So I finished. Last. And it wasn't so bad being last after all. I'm scraped up and bruised. My muscles in my right leg and my right arm are sore and stiff in spots, and certain places on my left leg are bruised and sore too. But I feel good. I could have quit. I almost quit. But I didn't. I believed in myself (with the help of some friends) and I finished.

The irony? Only 2 other Athena category women finished the race. So by finishing, I took 3rd place in my race category. I got a call last night from Z, who told me that they fixed the error in the listing (they had all my times listed but said I DNF'd... it made me cry and I sent a somewhat strongly worded email about it because I was a bit upset. I wasn't rude but it was kind of bordering on it, which I apologized for when I talked to Z.) They're mailing my 3rd place plaque to me today. He told me I did the right thing in finishing because never giving up is the most important thing, and I needed to hang my plaque somewhere that all could see. Normally, I'd be upset about the fact that I only got hardware because I just finished. But not today.

Today, I'm happy. I got my first piece of hardware in a race. I crashed my bike and felt pain, and was last, but I finished. And not only did I finish, but I finished with a PR. 3:36:55.05 to be exact. I also finished with the knowledge that I could have been even faster if I hadn't crashed. So maybe, just maybe, sometimes being last is OK.

A Weekend of Growth and Choices

This weekend was quite interesting. After a very angry shouting session where I fully expressed myself, and settling down a bit, Ladybug asked me, "Are you happy with me Mommy?" To which I replied, "Yes, honey. You make me so happy. You are wonderful and I love you very much." And made the choice to stop being angry.

A little bit later, Mr. Darcy decided he wanted to go with me for my 45 minute run. So we packed up the girls with snacks, drinks, and got them into the "blue car" and finally set off (about 1/2 an hour later), with Mr. Darcy pushing the car that seems to go by itself. 15 minutes into the run, I hear heavy panting behind me and being generous, I told him we'd walk for 3 minutes. Then we ran another 15 minutes, walked 3 minutes, and ran out the rest of the 45 minutes. Unfortunately, I had purposely skipped 2 sets of 500 calorie meals the day before to prove a point, a stupid point that showed nothing but that it would pay me back on the run. I was able to do the run because I ate some breakfast before the run, but being short on 1,000 calories from the day before doesn't help in the heat and I almost vomited the emptiness of my stomach during the run.

So, afterwards I made the choice to never do something so stupid again. I announced that I will eat what I want, when I want and if that wasn't acceptable then too bad. You have to fuel your tank to do what triathletes do, and you harm yourself when you don't.

I also explained that we all have choices in this world. I do my best to be the best me I can be every day. That is my choice. I chose to eat healthy, whole grains, vegetables, fruits, and lean meats and fish, and train for triathlons, and if that is not enough for my body to become acceptable for others that is their choice, not mine. I am the best me I can be. The others have the choice to accept me as I am and for that to be enough for their own happiness, or they can choose to be unhappy. I cannot control others happiness, nor am I going to spend my life trying to do that. That choice is up to them to make.

The growth that came from that choice was amazing. I always was taught that you should always work at self improvement but to never allow yourself to be proud of yourself. I chose now to no longer believe that. I realize now that I have to be my own best cheerleader because as a dear friend said to me, "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is because of their own reality, their own dream. Your best is always going to change from moment to moment. Under any circumstances, simply do your best." And I also found some inspiration from Triathlete Life magazine of all places. It was talking about the idea that some people have about who should do triathlons, and really it was up to each person to decide that no matter what shape or weight they start at that they are triathletes and take up the challenge. It all kind of came together.

I can be proud of myself as long as I do not reach the crazy mode of thinking that I am wonderful and can never improve or that I am the absolute "best." So that day I chose to be proud of myself. And I realized that all these years, my dearest friends who have been telling me I'm wonderful are right. I am pretty friggin' awesome to be quite honest. I'm even more lucky to have met people who challenge my notion of myself and inspire me to always improve, to value the wonderful in people, and to learn from others. I have met some amazing people, but I realize now that I am pretty amazing too.

I am smart, hardworking, friendly, kind, caring, a champion of those I love - friends and family alike. I am dedicated to my children and their happiness and their growth into caring and responsible people but without crushing their spirit and what makes them unique. I am supportive of my husband's dreams even when I don't necessarily want the same for myself. I love, honor and cherish my husband for all his faults and opinions, even those that I disagree with. I am accepting of people for all their faults and all their positives, but those that I truly respect are the ones I let into my life. I want to make this world a better place by being in it, and that's why charitable works and being a good friend and a good person and helping those who need it are so very important to me. I believe that we all deserve and have a right to be loved for who we are and that should be celebrated every day. I have endured many hardships in my life but I never want to be a complainer and I try to live each day with happiness and joy. I have my faults too. I am not perfect or a supermodel, and I never will be - no matter how hard I try. But I am the best me I can be on every day that I am on this planet. Some days this means I will be better than other days, but I am the best me I can be and I'm proud of me.

Coming to this realization and this belief made it a lot easier to have a nice rest of the weekend. After our run on Saturday and my epiphany and sharing my epiphany, the girls cracked me up because they wanted to take a shower with me. So we spent time playing in the water, just the 3 of us, which was a hoot. Angelfish and Ladybug truly are little water babies. I think, like their Momma, if they could spend all their time in the water or either on the pool deck or the beach, they'd be happiest of all. Poor Angelfish got shampoo in her eye and claimed that it burned for a good long while, even after I flushed her eye with water a few times. I think she was wanting some Mommy attention, personally. So I bundled her up in a towel and rocked her and snuggled with her on the bed. The next thing I knew Ladybug was trying to wake us up and Mr. Darcy was stopping her. So we napped a little longer.

After our nap, we played until Ladybug got up from her nap and then we played some more until I needed to make dinner for them. Mr. Darcy and I went to a restaurant in Winter Park called Chez Vincent for our anniversary. It was delicious! Perhaps the best meal I have had in an extremely long time. I had venison with sundried cherries and a sauce that was so tender and delicious that it was like heaven. Mr. Darcy had a filet mignon that he said was rather scruptious as well. For desert, we shared a Grand Marnier souffle with a little bit of chocolate sauce. Yum!

Sunday, we finally found a church that we love and plan to become members. Angelfish and Ladybug are to thank really, as they asked (completely unprompted) if we could go to church. I figured, out of the mouths of babes... So, All Saints Episcopal Church is the winner. It too is in Winter Park, but definitely worth our 30 minute drive. Then we had some lunch, did some errands, the girls fell asleep (and so did I) in the car, so we headed to try to buy honey from our local beekeeper forgetting that they are closed on Sunday. Then it was time for the wrap up party for my Team in Training team.

We had a blast - it was a pool party and all were there with good food and their families. Ryan had been raising money for TNT by raffling off a new Orbea bike - either an Onix road bike or the Ora tri-bike, winner's choice. I had already bought a ticket, but the way Ryan was asking for any more interested people for tickets right before the drawing, I was worried that he might not have sold enough tickets to cover the cost of the bike. I told Mr. Darcy that he needed to buy a ticket and Mr. Darcy resisted. Then I told him that he needed to go buy the ticket because I was worried that Ryan might not have sold enough to cover the cost of the bike and that I knew he had a $20 bill in his wallet. Mr. Darcy bought the last ticket.

To make things fair, Ryan mixed up all the tickets in a box, shook vigorously and mixed them by hand as well, and then had little AJ, a 3 year old Leukemia survivor whose Mom Hope was on our team, select the winning ticket. Mr. Darcy won the bike! He says that he is only starting to try to workout and I have been dedicated to my training so I should have the bike. I told him he could have the bike, but he insisted. So, I will be the proud new owner of a gorgeous Orbea Ora Tri-bike. (Pic below for those of you who love bikes...) I am super excited!
A great end to the weekend! This morning I hit a 4 mile run, and ran the entire thing with energy to spare, and this evening I'll have a swim workout as well. My swim gear (kickboard, paddles, buoy, and zoomers) was just delivered, and my heart rate monitor I ordered is in at the bike shop! 70.3 here I come!