Thursday Morning Ramblings

I'll warn you - with the way my brain is going today, this post may be all over the place as I don't pre-plan what I write.  That's right, I'm stream of consciousness, which may or may not be the greatest way to write... but it works for me.

So the 1st bit of what is rumbling around in my brain is that I had to skip my swim this morning.  It's a combination of things - I overslept; I hadn't gotten around to getting the LA Fitness membership reinstated (but I called this morning; their computer is down and they are supposedly calling me back as soon as it's back up); my wierd endometrial issues are back; my legs were tight as all get out this morning (which is wierd because I didn't really run all that much yesterday); and Ladybug was in rare (aka not a nice little girl due to lack of sleep) form this morning. It took a bit of doing to get everyone out of the house. I am hoping that I will be able to use today as my rest day and get the swim in this weekend.  But my life is so work/training/event filled at the moment that I can't promise myself anything, but just do my best to do what I can.

One might wonder if the failure to get the LA Fitness membership reinstated was a subconscious statement about how I feel about training this year.  In reality, I think it's just I've been all over the place and I just didn't get around to it.  But I must say that I am a little concerned.  Last year, you would have had to hold a searing poker to my eyes to make me miss a workout.  This year, I'm enjoying all the activity but it's as though it's not as much of a priority for me.  It troubles me because while I love it while I'm out there doing it, I'm not obsessed with it.  Of course, that could just be the stages of love. You go through that where you want every waking minute to be with the one you love and then get to that comfortable stage where you still deeply love the person but you're happy to do your own thing as well and still spend some quality time with the one you love. I just don't want to turn into the woman that doesn't spend the time training and then can't understand why she couldn't quite finish the race.

The good news is that I just got off the phone with LA Fitness (you didn't even know I was gone... did you?) and now I'm signed up again.  So, I'm hoping that I can either get the swim done tomorrow and move my 8 mile run to Sunday, or if I get myself out of bed at 5 am tomorrow, I'll get my 8 mile run done tomorrow and swim on Sunday.  The funny bit is that when I saw my email confirmation from LA Fitness, I also saw an email from Buttar.com - they run the Wildman Triathlon that Coach told me we need to sign up for because we're going to use it to take the newbies on TNT out for a spin on their 1st triathlon.  I went to their website to sign up and remembered that I have to renew my USAT membership.  So I went to USAT's website and the renewal site isn't quite working.  So, I've put a post it on my computer (right next to the "Buy JLGO tickets today" post it note) to do later.

Last year, I racked up quite the bills with Tri stuff so I'm trying to be better about it this year.  Last night's shoe clinic didn't help much.  I had to replace my shoes (they were so far gone that the saleswoman said to me "couldn't you tell that you didn't feel good when you were running"?  I didn't have the heart to tell her that I don't derive great pleasure from the run so, no - not really.) and my inserts and I bought another pair of running shorts to try out.  Coach and Coach G. both swear by them, and well, my upper inner thighs still rub together (but the good news is that since I started this the surface area that rubs together is a bit smaller) and these are a type of compression running shorts that are supposed to help.  Perhaps I will do a product review for them in the coming weeks. I did resist the foam roller, the Trigger Point roller set for lower legs, the shoe inserts for my bike shoes, and the recovery flip flops.  Not to mention more socks and running bras and that cute t-shirt that said "Will Run for Wine."  I'm kind of regretting not getting the Trigger Point lower leg rollers, but maybe I'll get an early anniversary gift (we're not giving Valentine's gifts this year because of the cost of another event we're going to).  I don't think Mr. Darcy quite understands the idea of the rollers and muscle needs, especially at a $70 price tag (I didn't have the heart to tell him the set I really want has the quad and hamstring roller, plus the lower leg roller stuff and it's $140).  I tried the lower leg roller out and almost burst into tears and the woman said to me, "so that's why you get shin splints - you're tight.  I couldn't figure it out because shin splints are for beginners."  If only Trigger Point would send me a set to test and blog about it for them.  How lovely that would be.

OH and Brooks, if you'd like me to test any of your gear too and report on the blog about it, I'd be happy to.  I'm particularly taken with your running clothes and your Trace 9 running shoes.  Hint, Hint.

Which reminds me.  Our timed mile.  Part way through the timed mile I had a very evil cramp in what I can only describe as my right ovary.  Yes, it was a shooting pain that almost doubled me over.  This of course came right after I felt my calf muscles tightening up and then the pain wrapping around my outer calf and running down my shins into the arches of my feet.  I had to walk to losen things up so I could run again - twice.  With all that, I pulled a 10:24 mile.  I have to say that I was not happy with it because I think I could have gone faster sans all the issues.  But, Coach says it was way better than last year's time, so I'll be happy with that.  I wonder if my new Trace 9s (which replaced my old Trace 9's despite comparison shopping with other brands and similar shoe styles) would have prevented so much of the leg pain.  Goodness knows what would have been needed to keep my right ovary from yelling for attention.

Oh and I'm still not sure what to do about how to lose weight.  I really am seriously and completely confused about the entire thing.  I've heard Weight Watchers is good, but I'm also hearing that if you train like we do then you end up with more points than it's possible to eat and blah.  I have a hard enough time eating enough most days anyway.  I eat until I am full, but the calories just don't add up.  I don't lose weight but I don't necessarily gain weight either. I eat fruits and veggies, nonfat dairy, lean meats, and only whole grains (except for that occasional pizza).  I want to lose weight but I just can't figure it out.  But at this juncture, with everything else going on, I can't even contemplate trying to squeeze weight watchers into my schedule.  So that is pretty much out.  I feel like if someone would just tell me what to do, I'd do it.  But I'm not sure anymore that what works for other people would even work with me.  There aren't many mothers of twins out there that eat healthily already, train for endurance events, oh and happpen to have endocrine system issues that make your cortisol up through the roof, with an enlarged thyroid but whose thyroid supposedly works okay, and with genetic cardiology issues too.  I just get to be special. The joy of it all.

My ideas about change are floating around too, but luckily without as much crying as earlier in the week.  At least so far.  It's an odd sensation to realize that you're (gulp) about to be 35 and t you're not really sure what you want to be when you grow up, but you're supposed to be grown up already.  Somehow you took steps that got you to a place and one day you look around and think "How did I get here?  I don't really think this is where I intended to be."  It's not necessarily a terrible place, but it's not what you want.  And then you take some steps to try to find a way to somewhere you might want to be, which makes you happier and more relaxed then you've been in awhile despite all that's on your plate, and you think that means that you're doing the right thing.  But of course, the steps are confusing because you don't want to take the wrong step and you're not 100% sure what the right step really is, but the good news is that you're thinking about options when you haven't felt like you've had any options in a good long time.  It's like you're in a maze in your own head and in your little world.  There's pros to everything and cons to everything too.

I envy people like Mr. Darcy who somehow always went for exactly what he wanted, never putting anything else in front of that and who are perfectly happy.  I wonder if it's easier for men to do that than women because women tend to be taught to take care of everyone, and to do that you can't just always go for what you want.  It's a thought, but at the same time there is no one to blame but me for making the life decisions I did... and I don't necessarily regret any of them because they've made me who I am.  But it does make me wonder if there's another me in an alternate dimension living out what would have happened if I made some decisions differently and if she's any less confused than I am now.  I'm just glad I have Mr. Darcy and some good friends to talk to about the whole thing.  It makes me feel a little less adrift.

Maybe I'll try to squeeze some yoga in today to see if I can feel more centered afterwards - and maybe my legs will feel a little better too. 
But for now, it's more work, events, life, and attempting to get that training in at some point in the very, very near future!