Wanting to Promise Something is Not the Same as Promising It

On my road to self-realization/learning to say no/getting my house in the order I want it to be, this morning I found myself with a dilemma.  I wanted to promise Angelfish that life would slow down after this weekend, but I realized I couldn't.  And it made me want to definitely get on the task of saying No.

My two little angels were found this morning snuggled up together in the same bed, which was a good thing since I couldn't locate Ladybug at first and which meant that Ladybug had found a way to not be scared in the night without coming to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed.  Angelfish sprung up and said, "Will we stay all together today?"  I told her no, that it was a school day and then started to say that we would be all together this weekend, when it hit me.  I'll be in Birmingham and they'll be at their grandparents with Mr. Darcy.  And then I started to say that things would slow down after I get back from Birmingham only to realize that I couldn't say that either because the Team in Training season starts this coming Monday which means Monday evenings and Saturday mornings and some Wednesday evenings would be taken up with practices until May.  So instead I told them how I missed them while at my meeting last night.  I had a nice time at the Junior League meeting and after at the little "new year" party at Brio.  But I did miss being home with their little faces and getting to have a nice snuggly evening.  And they made me valentines with their Daddy.  And I've noticed they're becoming Daddy's girls and not going to Mommy first for things as of late.  And I don't care for it. Not one bit.

The realization was clear and resonate and palpable.  I know what I must do.  It won't be over until May because of obligations that I look forward to, but that are too much.  I will be giving up 2 activities.  Leaving me with 2 others and training for triathlons of course, and also hopefully a more sane existence that doesn't tear at me right and left on a daily basis.  It's nice to know that I want to be a certain place in my life though, even if it takes me a little bit to get there.  Running around at Mach 5 with my hair on fire while fun and grand is also taking a toll on me and perhaps on my relationship with the ladies and Mr. Darcy.  I'm not giving it all up, of course, and I am sure that in the activities and training that I am keeping I will find new challenges to saying "no" (both to others and myself).

 I guess I'm in a recovery program, and I've just admitted I have a problem and am taking the first step to do something about it.  In my case, I'm addicted to life and wanting to be able to be a part of everything and do everything and fearful of inertia.  But I'm finding there's a big part of life that has to do with every changing little lifeforms that are the best and greatest experience of life and that running around at Mach 5 is making somethings a blur that should be slowed down and savored before those little ladies are up and gone and having babies of their own. 

Angelfish informed us that she is marrying a boy in her class named Ty.  Ladybug responded that her husband's name when she gets older will be "John Harrynose."  To which, I of course had to ask,"Does he have a harry nose?"  "No, Mommy.  That's just his name." All while dressed in jeans, a hot pink print dress, and a red and white "snow bunny" t-shirt, a pink heart headband, purple socks and brown shoes.  I just have this sneaky feeling, I'm missing a little bit too much of this.

In other good news, one of my close dear friends who I've mentioned before in this blog, "Belle" is moving from Atlanta to Tampa!  I couldn't be more thrilled in all the world.  She'll only be a little over an hour away!  I am thrilled to be able to see her and go shopping at times and all that.  I know it's not going to be the same as living in the same place, but it's so much closer.  Crafty Girl is happy for her, but sad that she won't be right there with her anymore.  Now, I just have to get to work on convincing Crafty Girl and her husband The International Man of Mystery (we used to joke that he was a spy because he traveled with work and whenever he did something always happened in that country not long after he left - whether invasions or natural occurences) that they must live in Florida.  Then the triplets could (sort of) be reunited.

Oh and I believe I have made a new friend.  She's in Junior League with me and I've pretty much hijacked her as my friend.  We just have such easy and wonderful conversations and a lot of the same interests too.  Now we're plotting to go out with the husbands as well.  Yay! 

So I'm working my way toward being happier and a little more sane... and toward being able to promise that things will slow down a bit. Kind of ironic it is happening on speed workout day!